Fashion Week at the Olympics
Australia, U.S., Ukraine, Norway get Games couture nod
February and March are months the fashion world salivates over, as the major clothing capitals hold their annual Fashion Week events.
This year's catwalks launched in New York last week, and take hold in London, England, this week before moving on to Milan and then Paris. Canada's showcase is Toronto's LG Fashion Week, which begins March 28.
Not to be outdone, the Winter Olympics has seen a fashion explosion of its own. Though we're pretty sure the big designers had absolutely nothing to do with it. And if they did, they would likely deny it up and down.
As an ode to the Vancouver Games, CBCSports.ca colleagues and I submitted our nominations for the, um, "best-dressed" individuals on the ice and snow, in what we're calling Fashion Week at the Olympics.
And remember: It doesn't matter how you look, as long as you're kicking butt.
But if you're not? ... No comment.
Australian short-track suits
Submitted by: Jordan Shifman
Imagine you wanted to design a speedskating outfit. Then imagine as you were drawing up your plans, you were struck by lightning, negating your ability for rational thought.
Clearly, this is exactly what happened to the makers of the Aussies' short-track speedskating suits.
Inspired in parts by He Man villain Skeletor and Nigel Tufnel from Spinal Tap, the Aussies' suit takes "revealing" to a different level.
It sports what looks to be a full representation of the human skeleton. Or maybe it's musculature, because it comes complete with abs and pectorals. You could also make the point that it's supposed to be a circuit board.
No matter the interpretation, we can probably all agree on one word to describe it.
Anything worn by Johnny Weir
Submitted by: Signa Butler and Mihira Lakshman
Even in a crowd full of creative figure skaters, American Johnny Weir sticks out.
There is almost as much talk surrounding what Weir will wear during his performances as there is about who'll win the gold medal.
And the self-proclaimed "Lady Gaga of figure skating" didn't disappoint at the Olympics.
After his free skate ended, he posed for the camera and awaited his score with a luscious crown of roses adorning his head. Sadly, his Bjork-inspired costume with fox fur was toned down for the Games — the fur was removed due to PETA complaints.
But his short program costume? Mah-vellous, dah-ling.
In the words of CBCSports.ca's Mihira Lakshman, "the leather trim and pink (fake) fur made him look like a polite dominatrix."
The lesson here? Even a polite dominatrix can get screwed out of a medal at the Olympics.
Ryan Miller's goalie mask
Submitted by: Jesse Campigotto
The U.S. starting netminder may be able to stop everything Canada throws his way, but he still needs to work on his helmet design.
But don't take my word for it. Listen to Campigotto:
"The comic book character on Miller's helmet looks like Uncle Sam, if Uncle Sam grew his hair and goatee out like ZZ Top, went on a Jose Canseco-esque regimen of performance-enhancing drugs, and started dressing like Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse."
Ukrainian pairs skaters
Submitted by: Me
Brave figure-skating pair Tatiana Volosozhar and Stanislav Morozov of Ukraine travelled far into the future, but theybrought something back with them:
Two figure-skating costumes that would be all the rage in 2050.
Unfortunately, this is because the autocratic world government run by the Blue Man Group (headed by Tobias Fünke) says so.
Whether you call them "Avatar-inspired," "right out of Nintendo's Metroid" or "something Johnny Weir never considered wearing," the pair's costume choice definitely pushes the barrier for fashion.
Let's just pray they don't wear these suits out at sea.
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, nothing can compare to the unanimous winner of the CBCSports.ca's 2010 Olympic Fashion Award for the 2010 Games:
The Pants Heard 'Round the World
Submitted by: Everyone
Norway curling skip Thomas Ulsrud had a dream.
Ulsrud didn't want to be bogged down in the shackles of "colour-matching" or "recognizable patterns." And he prayed that one day, there would be a pair of pants that would set him free, free as a bird. Or maybe it was a peacock.
Either way, he finally has them. And the world will never be the same.
In what is by far the top fashion subject of the Olympics, Ulsrud and Co. are wearing diamond-patterned pants that sport an average of 4.5 colours and are so loud, they can actually be heard above the raucous crowd at the Vancouver Olympic Centre.
Drawing inspiration from golfer Jesper Parnevik, Croatia's national soccer team, the circus and the night terrors of Lewis Caroll, Team Norway's pants are rumoured to be the reason they cannot be harmed by conventional weapons.
The pants are designed by LoudMouth Golf, the same company that creates the look for interestingly attired pro golfer John Daly. Because after all, when you think of the words "fashion sense," the first name that definitely comes to mind is John Daly.
Hey, with Norway sitting at 5-2 as Monday, they're definitely doing something right.