Locked out NHLers for hire
CBCSports.ca offers employment advice to players not off to Europe
With Week 1 of the National Hockey League lockout nearing an end, several players have already completed their hockey job hunt and are joining teams in Europe, the American Hockey League or returning to the junior ranks.
Others, perhaps hoping for a quick resolution in collective bargaining talks between the league and NHL Players’ Association, seem intent on taking their time before committing elsewhere.
"Stay together and fight the good fight on this side of the ocean instead of going over and taking jobs from some poor guy trying to make a living," Hockey Night in Canada personality Don Cherry told hundreds of NHL players through his Twitter account @CoachsCornerCBC.
That said, we at CBCSports.ca believe there are job openings for NHLers should they decide to put competitive hockey on the back-burner for the short-term. Use the comment section below to either agree or disagree with our suggestions and add your own for any player not mentioned.
Sidney Crosby: Sport Check hockey salesman — The Pittsburgh Penguins superstar is already a spokesman for the company, so why not give Sid The Kid regular work while his NHL gig is on hold. Who else can provide parents the type of equipment advice that will give their kids an edge? Besides, if nothing else, it’ll be worth it for parents just to hear Crosby modestly say he knows "a little bit" about hockey.
P.K. Subban: Self-defence instructor — The ideal line of work for the yappy Montreal Canadiens defenceman, who is one of the most hated NHL players by the opposition. Subban’s self-defence courses would revolve around being the target of taunting, face-washing and, perhaps, the odd elbow or stick.
Zach Parise/Ryan Suter: Co-chairmen of the State of Minnesota tourism board — The good friends and free agents joined forces on a package deal with the Wild in July – signing identical 13-year, $98-million US contracts – so why not work together off the ice? Part of their aim was to turn Minnesota into a destination for the best NHLers, so taking on this job would get them well-versed in how to lure future free agents to St. Paul.
Tim Thomas: Mitt Romney adviser — The staunch Tea Party supporter skipped the annual meeting at the White House to celebrate his Stanley Cup champion Boston Bruins in 2012, and then sounded off on President Barack Obama. As one of the more focused athletes, Thomas would be the ideal person to advise Mitt Romney — the Republican presidential candidate — to steer clear of more foreign policy rants, stop antagonizing nearly half the American voters, and simply use the struggling economy platform to take on Obama in the upcoming debates.
Daniel/Henrik Sedin: Pro wrestling tag team — The perfect NHL tandem on the ice for the Vancouver Canucks could be the same in the ring. If team personnel still find it difficult to tell the Swedish twins apart after all these years, Daniel and Henrik would have a field day messing with the minds of World Wrestling Entertainment referees when they aren’t looking. And yes, the personable duo would do an about-face and become bad guys!
Mike Fisher: Roadie for wife and country music star Carrie Underwood — With NHL pre-season games cancelled through September, the Nashville Predators forward would feel right at home touring the United States on Carrie’s busy Blown Away Tour. Not sure what Fisher’s vocal cords are like, but maybe Mike and Carrie could have a showdown with the husband/wife team of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill.
Phil Kessel: Rent-a-forward — Remember when Kessel got picked last in the NHL all-star game player draft? Yeah, so does he. So while the league is on hiatus, the Leafs’ forward could rent himself out to ice and ball hockey leagues. At least this way, he would be guaranteed to get drafted first overall…
Alex Ovechkin: Rapper — Considering the Washington Capitals’ sniper used his rapping skills in Sasha Belyi "champion" video, he should be able to forge ahead on his own. While Ovie needs work on his hand gestures, his singing shouldn’t be out of place. A possible title for his first song could be: "I lost my scoring touch but I’m still better than Sidney Crosby."
Carey Price: Calgary Stampede host — In case you didn’t know, the Habs’ goalie is an avid rodeo enthusiast and spends much of his summers participating in team roping events in B.C. Mix that in with his great performance at last year’s all-star skills competition on Hockey Night in Canada when he did commentary while making a save backwards and you have yourself the next host of the Calgary Stampede!
Dion Phaneuf: Actor — As the fiancé to Canadian actress Elisha Cuthbert, Phaneuf already has a show-business in. Cuthbert took part in several seasons of the popular show 24. One phone call to star Kiefer Sutherland – aka Jack Bauer – is all it would take for Phaneuf to have a part in the 24 movie (whenever that comes out). The Leafs defenceman can take on a secondary villain role, one that usually ends with Mr. Bauer rearranging his victim’s body parts after beating out vital information in order to save the world.
Mike Commodore: Carrot Top celebrity double — Despite the lack of plastic surgery, when Commodore lets his hair grow out like he did with the Hurricanes a few years ago, you can see the resemblance to Carrot Top. And if his career as a celebrity double for the Las Vegas comedian doesn’t work out, he could also pair up with Ronald McDonald.
Patrick Kane: Taxi driver — Back in 2009, the Chicago Blackhawks’ star was arrested in Buffalo for reportedly beating up a taxi driver who didn’t have enough change. Well, how appropriate would it be to see Kane behind the wheel of a yellow cab in order to pay his bills? We can dream.