Out in the Open

When a friend miscarries but your belly keeps on growing

Out in the Open contributor Kalli Anderson was pregnant when her friend had a miscarriage. Five years later, they have a frank discussion about what that was like for both of them.
Out in the Open contributor Kalli Anderson was pregnant when her friend had a miscarriage. (Maureen Lunn)

Out in the Open contributor Kalli Anderson and her friend "Laura" were going to be first-time mothers around the same time. But Laura miscarried while Kalli's belly kept on growing.

They didn't talk about it at the time, even though they had been friends for over a decade. Now, five years later, they discuss the emotions they felt at that time.

Kalli says she felt guilty that she was going to experience pregnancy, while her friend had to deal with pregnancy loss. She wishes she had told Laura she didn't have to come to her baby shower if it was too hard for her.

Laura says she felt jealous, but also tried not to make it about her when she would attend baby showers, or when other friends would get pregnant. She says, "I didn't want to take away anyone's happiness, and I shouldn't, right?" So I just tried to participate as much as I could."

The conviction that she and her partner would eventually become parents is what Laura says got her through. They now have three children.

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