Kids are asking about penises, vaginas and whether their butts are clean during work calls

Mar 26, 2020

You had to choose between another COVID-19 update or this post. And you chose this one, because you need a break. You need to laugh so hard you want to pee your pants. I've been watching Veep again for that very reason, so I'm glad you came here.

I want to help you laugh a little in between reading potentially scary news. I'm no Selina Meyer, but with the help of some Canadian parents working from home, I'm hoping to come a little close. And I don't want you to just laugh — I also want you to think oh gosh, that's nice, I needed that. 

Right now, a lot of Canadian parents are working from home. 

Kids are also indoors for really long stretches and want attention. 

Together, it can be stressful. But it can also be really funny. And community-building. Here are just some of the terrific examples of work-from-home life as a parent that we've received from Canadian parents like you.

Where did it go? 

Anything can happen on live television, and that is kind of what a video or phone call is like. Parents get into squabbles with their kids and the little ones are prone to pop on camera. For one Canadian parent, their child wanted to know about the birds and the bees. But very specifically, where their dad's penis went when it was inside their mother's vagina. Which, lol, only a child. 

But Not Before the National Anthem

Patriotism is still strong in the little ones. When was the last time you sang the national anthem every day? Oddly, my Catholic all-boys high school had us sing "Day by Day" from Godspell in the mornings (and our school song), so just be happy you don't have to hear that out of key every day. 

Just like the movies...

Some kids will see you looking at your screen and think it's time to watch an episode of Daniel Tiger's Neighbourhood or their favourite movie. And if you're this mom, your kid will automatically want popcorn every single time. 

Market Watchers See Uptick in Potty Humour 

Doing some fiscal planning with your boss? Well, that's a great time for your kid to ask if their butt is clean. And ask what their dad did to you to make them. 

Truly everybody poops, so it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Once more, but with energy: "Maman, I just did a big poop!" 

This kid s—t their pants. And you thought you were having a rough morning. 

All the sounds

What's that sound? Oh, it's raining where I am. No, I don't think so. OK, my kids are peeing and leave the door open. But back to what I was saying about Q4. 

Unfinished Sympthony

Are you working on the toilet? No, I swear I am not. It's just these pipes, I'm in the basement. Look I'm wearing pants. I am sitting at a desk. 

Finding Efficiencies

Your kids will finally start caring about what you do every day. 

And they'll think it's time to play

You're in for a lot of no-shame moments. And like many parents are noting, it's kind of funny.

All you can hope is that work is understanding, because kids are unpredictable. And so are their bowel movements, and the timing of pressing questions about sexual mechanics. It's a new normal right now and you're going to come across a lot of firsts. Hang in there, and don't forget to laugh at yourself.  

What's the funniest thing your kids have done while you're working from home? Tell us in the comments!

Add New Comment

To encourage thoughtful and respectful conversations, first and last names will appear with each submission to CBC/Radio-Canada's online communities (except in children and youth-oriented communities). Pseudonyms will no longer be permitted.

By submitting a comment, you accept that CBC has the right to reproduce and publish that comment in whole or in part, in any manner CBC chooses. Please note that CBC does not endorse the opinions expressed in comments. Comments on this story are moderated according to our Submission Guidelines. Comments are welcome while open. We reserve the right to close comments at any time.

Submission Policy

Note: The CBC does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comments, you acknowledge that CBC has the right to reproduce, broadcast and publicize those comments or any part thereof in any manner whatsoever. Please note that comments are moderated and published according to our submission guidelines.