I’m A Teen Mom So Let Me Guess: You’re Wondering Where The Father Is
By Sabrina Boileau
PHOTO © natabene/Twenty20
Dec 13, 2019
At 15, my boyfriend and I were stopped in our tracks with major news. I was pregnant.
We were scared, we didn’t know what to do. We were in high school and definitely weren’t expecting to have a baby. Yeah, I know. “If you’re old enough to have sex, you’re old enough to know the consequences."
This isn’t some horrible road block that was thrown at us. We consider ourselves lucky.
We only used one form of contraception, which was clearly not effective. And you know what? I wouldn’t change it for the world. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to us.
But to this day, over three years later, we are still receiving the same judgments, and people are still making assumptions about our situation: That my boyfriend would not be fully active in my daughter's life, that we would never last and that I was tasteless and promiscuous.
More from Sabrina: I’m Not A Teenager With A Baby — I’m A Mother
"Oh, are you still with the dad? Is he involved?"
It’s not wrong to ask this, but to receive the same assumption over and over is annoying. My daughter’s father works hard, is loving, considerate and so caring. He is present and active. He is not just biologically her father — he is her dad.
He stays up on nights she's sick, kisses every boo-boo, helps her clean her messes, is strict when he needs to be and comforting when he needs to be. Best of all, we are a team. He is a father in every definition of the word. And I know he'll continue to be a great father.
I didn’t get pregnant because I slept around
I got pregnant because I found somebody that I loved and trusted, which shouldn't be so hard to believe.
We were committed to each other enough to take a big step together. Maybe how it happened was not what we expected, but that doesn’t mean we regret it.
It worked for my grandparents
Thinking about our ages and how long we’ve been together (we met when I was 13, started dating at 14 and had our daughter when I was 15 and he was 16) really makes me look up to my grandparents.
They met when my grandmother was 14 and my grandfather was 17. They got married when they were 19 and 22. They had my aunt when my grandmother was 20, and then had my father four years later. Today, they have been together for 54 years and married for 49 years, happily and fully in love. They say their loves grows stronger with time, that time flies by so fast and they hope to have many more days together.
My grandparents inspire me, and give me hope. I look at their relationship as a goal, as something that's so rare these days. I have been so lucky to have my best friend be my first love, my partner and the father of our daughter. And every day it astonishes me that we're raising a child, living and growing up together.
On growing up with your daughter: Teaching Your Kid Self-Love When You’re Still Learning To Love Yourself
A Plea to Consider a Young Family's Feelings
So please: stop assuming my daughter’s father isn’t in the picture. And stop assuming I am tasteless for having a child so young, that I was promiscuous or that we've thrown our lives away.
I often wonder why the assumption can't just be that we're good parents.
For once, it'd be nice to have someone look at our young family and think: They look like a loving family that takes care of their daughter.
Because this isn’t some horrible road block that was thrown at us. We consider ourselves lucky. We have an amazing daughter and life together. We have our own place, our daughter goes to daycare, I’m in school and we both work.
Just because we were young doesn’t mean we were any less able to be in love — to me, it means we have the privilege of loving each other for longer.
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