A happy woman walking in autumn woods with her children.


8 Things I Don’t Give a Crap About Now That I’m Turning 40

Oct 20, 2017

It’s official! I’m finally an adult. No more excuses for me, as I stumble on into my 40th year. This is the birthday that’s supposed to have me feeling all mixed up, scheduling my first botox appointment and booking group flights to Mexico with my lady friends, for any additional beautification I might want to partake in. (Wait a second, that sounds really fun.)

I mean, as a parent, I’m running on empty some days. I need to be really selective about what I spend my time thinking about. However, once in awhile, it’s good to take stock of what’s important and what isn’t. I feel like this whole turning 40 sham deserves a little chunk of my time by humbly acknowledging (and sharing) that which IDGAF about anymore. And it’s rather a relief to write these things out, because I used to care about a number of these things a bit too much.

1. Failed Ambitions

Who am I kidding? I don’t need to be turning 40 to know exactly where my demons are when it comes to what I thought I would accomplish by the time I turned 40. My 20- or 30-something brain had NO IDEA what I was in for with this whole mothering and marriage thing, nevermind all the hormonal changes that come from childbirth, mothering, aging, etc. (ALL. OF. THE. ETCETERAS. ALL. OF. THE. HORMONES.). Honestly, I’m just stoked to be forming coherent sentences. I'm also focused more on being kind and compassionate while also achieving some career goals, instead of comparing myself to what other women/mothers my age are accomplishing.

2. Meal-Time Wars

I’m SO over this one. When I think about the anxiety I’ve had about the amount of healthy food my kids eat, my brain hurts. It's just not worth it, for a number of reasons. It’s not like we’re eating pre-fab junk all the time. I love to cook, I believe that food is medicine, and if my kids don’t eat what I make for dinner after trying at least one bite, there’s no other meal that I’m gonna whip up for them. They won’t starve, they can eat a banana if they’re displeased with whatever they think I’m trying to poison them with, and that’s about all I have to say about that. I guess my kids will grow up to be adults who detest bananas. I’m just trying to give them some valid content to go over in therapy.

Life is hard. Parenting is hard. You’re busy, I’m busy, I get it, and honestly, I have way better things to do with my time than judging your choices or parenting styles.

3. Judging Other Parents

Yeah, I plant my own garden and pack my kids healthy lunches. I have my reasons and it's my way of living my own version of the best damn life I choose to live. I recognize that the things I value and enjoy and believe in might not be important to others. Just because I’m not tossing a lunchables in my kids' backpack everyday doesn’t mean I’m judging you if you do. Life is hard. Parenting is hard. You’re busy, I’m busy, I get it, and honestly, I have way better things to do with my time than judging your choices or parenting styles. This wasn’t always the case, but sitting down and being humble comes with age. Let’s be friends, k?

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4. Crafting an Image for Social Media

I care way less than I used to about double-chins, right angles and wearing make-up for every.single.photo, IG story, live video, whatever. I’m a fan of social media, for several reasons, both professionally and personally. I used to untag photos of myself all the time. No more. (But if we’re posing, I will tell you my right side is better and it’s just good manners to shoot from high rather than from down low.) I’m drawn to presenting an authentic, every day account of what I choose to share of my life. But I’m also aware of the vitriol and trolling that goes down on the world-wide-web and caring what strangers think about what I look like, my opinions, or how I raise my kids is just a waste of my time.

5. General BS

I can smell tomfoolery a mile away. This comes thanks to some less-than-desirable life experiences, I think. I can discern pretty quickly when an attempt to bamboozle me or someone else is being made. (I also don’t care much about using words like bamboozled anymore.) While I generally try to be honest about my own ISH, I have literally ZERO tolerance for grown adults who can’t be honest, ostracize or gossip about others. Life is far too short to create such drama when there is often real drama to tend to.

6. Trying to Please Everyone

The old adage, ‘don’t mistake my kindness for weakness’ rings true here. I have struggled with being a kind person when it comes to managing my feistiness and low-BS-tolerance-meter. This is something that I’m working on. Being a straight-up kind of woman can often be mistaken for being a b*tch, which doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m done with trying to please everyone and more concerned with being genuinely kind, not to be confused with being fake-nice.

There is a very fine, well-marketed line between maintaining a healthy lifestyle and swinging from one diet to the next.

7. Dieting

Ohhhh, this is a big one. There is a very fine, well-marketed line between maintaining a healthy lifestyle and swinging from one diet to the next, one decade to the next. In the end, there are people who don’t know me who will assume I eat a certain way because I’m dieting, but those people don’t matter. How I feel and not being sick anymore is what matters.


As someone who used to be quite the social butterfly,  I can safely say I’ve gotten all those ya-yas out. I have no desire to go out and be seen, or see someone else, or squish up against people I don’t know, just ew. Social anxiety may have something to do with this, but even when I think I want to go out, once I’m there, it becomes very clear that I’m up way past my bedtime, and there truly is no place like home.

Article Author Selena Mills
Selena Mills

Read more from Selena here

A multidisciplinary creative professional and artisan, Selena has over 10 years of experience writing and editing for acclaimed publications, B2B content creation, social management, brand building, design and VA services. Passionate about elevating Indigenous and FNMI stories, perspectives and voices in digital media, she strives to build bridges renegade style. When the chaos permits, Selena is an avid four-seasons permaculture gardener and a hobby “chef” who looks for other parents to revel (and or kvetch) in motherhood with. Clearly, she doesn’t like rules, most visionaries don’t.

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