Residential school survivor and Anglican couple forge 'unlikely' friendship
Terry Aleck and John and Nancy Denham unite to hold reconciliation efforts in Sechelt, B.C.
"To honour my family back home, but this family here, too," Aleck said.
The other drummers in the circle smile. On cue, they raise their voice in song.
- Truth and Reconciliation: Aboriginal people conflicted as commission wraps up after 6 years
- Residential schools findings point to 'cultural genocide,' commission chair says
- Reconciliation not opportunity to 'get over it': Justice Murray Sinclair
But none of that has stopped John and Nancy Denham, two members of Saint Hilda's Anglican Church in Sechelt, from joining forces with Aleck to educate members of their congregation and citizens in their town about the history of Indian residential schools in Canada.
"My relationship with Terry is unlikely, in that I'm a privileged white male. And Terry is not," says John Denham.
"As I heard more of his story, for him and I to connect, just seemed more and more unlikely."
Aleck's residential school experience is nothing short of horrific.
"I buried that issue for 21 years in my life, then it squeaked out in treatment. That's when my journey began," says Aleck.
Aleck and six other survivors of St. George's sued the Anglican Church and the government of Canada in 1990, the first lawsuit of its kind in Canada. Eleven years later, Aleck would emerge victorious but still harbouring a deep distrust for all white people.
"That trust was broken when 9-year-old Terry was being abused by a white guy. From that age on, I couldn't trust for the longest time."
Shocked by history
The Denhams admit they didn't know much about residential schools, until they happened to stop by the first national event held by the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) in Winnipeg in 2010.
"The realization that kids had been forced to go to schools and died there, was just unimaginable and that shocked me," said John Denham.
"I wanted to know more about that. How did it happen, why did it happen and what's going on? We got back and wanted to know more but where do you find that out?"
Upon returning to Sechelt, he attended a drum-making workshop held by Aleck. The two quickly became friends.
"I could see their compassion and their caring in the work they were doing," said Aleck, who had turned to aboriginal teachings for spiritual healing. "It was like, 'Wow! OK, let's journey.'"
I do feel responsible for what is going on now. And things as tragic as residential school are still happening today.- John Denham, member of Saint Hilda's Anglican Church
Supported by Aleck's gentle nature and openness to share his residential school experiences, the Denham's have spent the past five years learning about residential schools and getting to know their aboriginal neighbours.
"I didn't really have anything to do with residential schools, personally," says John Denham. "To a certain extent, I don't feel guilty about that. But, I do feel responsible for what is going on now. And things as tragic as residential school are still happening today."
Efforts toward reconciliation
Since meeting Aleck, the Denhams have organized several residential school "dialogue circles" in Sechelt. They helped raised travel money for members of the Sechelt Indian Band to attend the TRC event in Vancouver. Two summers ago, John Denham took his grandson on a Pulling Together canoe journey.
As a more permanent gesture of reconciliation, the Denham's helped raise $30,000 to commission a memorial to children who died at residential schools. The marble piece is being carved by Mohawk artist Michel Beauvais and will be raised on the Sechelt Indian Reserve at the site of the former Indian day school.
The Denhams were also instrumental in convincing the Anglican Church to honour Aleck at the final Truth and Reconciliation event in Ottawa this week. They made a special deer-hide vest for him for the occasion, hand sewn by Nancy and adorned with two-row wampum beaded by John, who says it's a small token of respect for his friend.
Reconciliation, he says, is a much longer, and sometimes rockier, endeavour.
"In some ways, this has been the easy part: hearing the truth," said John Denham. "Now comes the hard part."