Sudbury

Sudbury organization helps parents cope with losing a baby during pregnancy

Butterfly Wings is a Sudbury organization that's helping parents and families who lose a baby during pregnancy.

October is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

Kim Dal Bianco is with Butterfly Wings. (Jan Lakes/CBC)

Butterfly Wings is a Sudbury organization that's helping parents and families cope with the loss of a baby during pregnancy.

The organization is dedicated to providing grief support services to parents and families who have experienced the death of a baby through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, medical termination, stillbirth or neonatal death.

"You suffer in silence, you know with miscarriages it's often dismissed or minimized to the point where moms will even minimize their own loss," said Kim Dal Bianco, who's with Butterfly Wings.

She says there are groups that meet monthly with parents. It's a safe place for families to come to discuss their babies, their losses and where they are emotionally. 

"Especially in the beginning, you need someone to listen, you need a heart with ears," said Dal Bianco.

"There's so much anger and it's a process and [if] you keep all that anger in and keep all the guilt in, it will destroy you from the inside."

"[We're] always trying to keep our babies that have passed close to us and it's really important to be able to talk about them, to be able to say their names and Butterfly Wings encourages that," she said.

Dal Bianco didn't know of the organization until three and a half years ago when her son was born with an enlarged heart. 

"There was nothing any doctors could do unfortunately and he passed away 57 hours after birth," she said. After the tragedy she said a friend found Butterfly Wings and encouraged her to go.

"It's rough, you don't know which way to turn, you don't know where to go, you just suffered a tragic loss," she said.

"Now I'm almost four years into it... it's changed my life, it's changed who I am as a person, you know, I have two living children and one dead child and I like to speak about all three of them as though they're here and that's how I keep them close."

She says Butterfly Wings also has certified counsellors who volunteer their time, knowing that not everyone can afford counselling. They will also meet with parents one-on-one, she said.

Wave of Light

Butterfly Wings also hosts special events around Mother's Day, Father's Day and other holidays to help parents remember their babies.

On Tuesday, the organization is taking part in the international event "Wave of Light" to help remember the babies that are gone

They'll light a candle on Oct. 15 at 7 p.m. The event also coincides with Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month.

"In every time zone we light a candle from 7 p.m. till 8 p.m... the candles are lit to commemorate our babies that are lost, and as that time zone turns to 8 p.m the next one turns to 7 p.m. so it's a wave of light right across the world," said Dal Bianco.

She will be sharing her own story and journey at the event. 

"This is what we need, we need to talk about our babies," she said.

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