Saskatchewan·COMEDY

Dear Yukon, Saskatchewan congratulates you on scrapping seasonal time changes

I’m proud you’ve finally given up like us.

Here’s what else we have to teach you

Yukon has some beautiful northern lights. Devin Pacholik has a trade to propose. (Students on Ice Foundation)

Yukon decided to copy Saskatchewan by declaring the end of seasonal time changes, starting this year. I'm proud you've finally given up like us.

Skipping time changes has a history that goes back to when all the other provinces and territories were responsibly planning time zones and Saskatchewan was busy inventing new ways to drink Pilsner. 

Welcome to the club, Yukon! You have so much to learn. Have you ever heard of The Moose Jaw Funnels? It involves Pilsner and … well ... we'll teach you.

'The start of a beautiful friendship'

Time changes are totally pointless. I'm glad others are seeing things our way.

Any form of outside recognition — official or not — is the most powerful currency in Saskatchewan. Our official provincial motto is the Latin phrase, "Multis e gentibus vires." This roughly translates to, "Please notice us." 

Our new connection with Yukon could be the start of a beautiful friendship. At the very least, maybe we can raid Alberta together and steal Banff. 

Perhaps we can offer a trade deal. 

For instance, Yukon, you have the northern lights. We get those too sometimes in Saskatchewan, but it's hard to tell if it's really the aurora or just the toxic glow off Wascana Lake during Regina's spring goose poop thaw.

Here's the deal: We'll send you some angry geese to keep Dawson City in check, and you pipe us some of that sweet uncut aurora borealis.

Potholes and watermelon helmets

Saskatchewan Roughriders fans are too busy rocking excellent headwear to change the clocks twice a year. (THE CANADIAN PRESS/Fred Thornhill)

We have so much to learn from each other. You might have heard about how our people hollow out a watermelon to wear as a helmet in support of the Saskatchewan Roughriders. We'll teach you that if you show us how, under a full moon, you all transform into snowmobiles. Don't deny it, we know it's true.

How are you doing for wind? We have lots to lend you. It's so windy in Saskatchewan, it'll ruffle the print leaves on your camouflage overalls. If your internet is too slow, the wind blows so hard here you can send a selfie from Saskatoon to Nana in Nipawin by attaching it to a tumbleweed. Yukon, we'll give you all the wind you can handle if you teach us how to pull off business casual with snowshoes.

There's more where that came from. You might have heard Saskatchewan is good at growing things, such as potholes. Potholes grow so big here we sometimes just give up and start living in them. That's how we got the Qu'Appelle Valley.

Anyone who thinks Saskatchewan is perfectly flat hasn't chipped their teeth bottoming out the family van in a Walmart parking lot while trying not to fall into a crater. Give us Emerald Lake, or we'll open a pothole under Whitehorse and swallow them up.

That one's more of a threat. You have 24 hours to comply. Of course, that's 24 hours Saskatchewan time.


This column is part of CBC's Opinion section. For more information about this section, please read this editor's blog and our FAQ.

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About the Author

Devin Pacholik writes very important comedy journalism in Regina. You can follow him on Twitter at @DevinPatches.

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