Calgary

Calgary Stampede midway food 2017: From the horrifying to the horrifyingly delicious

Raw cookie dough wrapped in cotton candy. Canadian bacon pickle balls. A metre-long sausage. From the items clearly meant to troll us all to the food that actually looks pretty tasty, here's a breakdown on what you can shove in your gullet for 10 days at the Calgary Stampede midway this summer.

Gourmet's delight or ticket to gastro-intestinal distress? You be the judge

From deep fried chicken feet to unicorn white hot chocolate, some of this year's new eats on the Midway 0:50

Every year the Calgary Stampede rolls out the latest midway treats, horrifying and enticing would-be patrons and media alike.

From the items clearly meant to troll us all and convince the brave people to put something not meant for human consumption in their mouths, to the food that actually looks pretty tasty, here's a breakdown on some of what you can shove in your gullet for 10 days this summer. 

The Cookie Dough-ne

(Calgary Stampede)

Okay, looking past the cotton candy randomly tacked on and the fact that this much raw cookie dough is sure to cause most people some form of gastro-intestinal distress, can we talk about the name? What's a "dough-ne"? The dough I get (see gastro-intestinal stress), but "ne"? What's "ne"? 

Rolled ice cream

(Calgary Stampede)

So it's ice cream? No, it's rolled ice cream! But it's ice cream, right? Well, yes, but rolled. Is it cold and made with dairy products and melts in your mouth? Yes, but in a tubular shape and it comes with toppings!

Unicorn white chocolate/unicorn cookie dough

(Calgary Stampede)

I'm beginning to think the unicorns weren't as svelte and muscular as we've been lead to believe. There's going to be a lot of unicorn things for the next little while, isn't there?

Clam chowder poutine

(Calgary Stampede)

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you stopped to buy that discount seafood sold from the back of a pickup truck on the side of a prairie highway? Just thinking out loud here. 

World's hottest pizza

(Calgary Stampede)

There are going to be some EMS resources tied up by people eating this one. If you'd like to waste a bit of time today, watch YouTube videos of people eating ghost peppers. 

Crispy chicken feet on a stick 

(Calgary Stampede)

Easily better than clam chowder poutine. 

Canadian bacon pickle balls

(Calgary Stampede)

I can find nothing wrong with adding bacon to the already delicious invention known as deep-fried pickles. That is not sarcasm. 

One-metre long sausage

(Calgary Stampede)

This looks pretty good. What will be even better is watching people try to navigate the crowds while holding one to their face. (Note to self: research the length of a full-grown man's intestinal tract.)

Rain drop cake

(Calgary Stampede)

I don't get it. 

Maple bacon artisan doughnuts

(Calgary Stampede)

Yes. Just, yes. 


For the full list of midway options announced on Wednesday, head over here

The 2017 Calgary Stampede takes place from July 7-16.

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