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Chris Hyndman's death 'shattered my life,' says Steven Sabados

'It was a tragedy. I don't know what happened and I can't sort of pursue it,' Steven Sabados told CBC in his first TV news interview since the sudden death of his spouse and longtime TV co-host Chris Hyndman last summer.

'You don't ever look forward to anything, you just kind of cope every day,' Sabados says

When Steven Sabados' partner Chris Hyndman died last year, he left public life to mourn privately, until now. 6:09

"It was a tragedy. I don't know what happened and I can't sort of pursue it," Steven Sabados told CBC in his first TV news interview since the sudden death of his spouse and longtime TV co-host Chris Hyndman last summer.

Hyndman, who hosted the popular CBC-TV daytime program Steven and Chris with Sabados, was found without vital signs in a laneway near the duo's Toronto home on Aug. 3.

"I was not aware of anything. Press, rumours, you name it. And I didn't want to know. And I don't want to know. And I still don't Google my name. I don't Google his name," Sabados said in an interview with CBC's Heather Hiscox in Toronto on Friday.

"That night was just a tragic accident that shattered my life."

A cause of death was never revealed by police in Toronto, who did not pursue a criminal investigation and declined to discuss Hyndman's death.

Though Hyndman's mother has said she believes he died while sleepwalking, "that's not what I think. It's what Glenda had stated," said Sabados.

'It was always Steven and Chris or we were always "the boys,"' Steven Sabados recalled of his on and off-screen partner, the late Chris Hyndman. (Adrian Wyld/CP)

'We were one person'

For nearly three decades, Sabados and Hyndman were intertwined romantically and professionally.

After meeting in 1988 and working together in the décor and design industry in the early 1990s, the pair also endeared themselves to Canadians and fans abroad with their vibrant, high-energy lifestyle TV shows on HGTV and, eventually, CBC.

"It was always Steven and Chris or we were always 'the boys,'" Sabados recalled, adding: "We were one person."

Steven Sabados recounts the 'awesome party' he hosted for what would have been Chris Hyndman's 50th birthday. 1:15

Since Hyndman's death, Sabados has found some solace in painting. 

"Some of them are very painful. Some of them I paint with a lot of words — I do a lot of script. And I like things: my imagery is always shrouded or hidden or cloaked in some way. So I don't want people to read the messages and I made sure that it's unrecognizable, but they're there."

He has also leaned on family, friends and fans, who have offered support in person and online as he mourns.

"It's hard to sort of plan something forward. You don't ever look forward to anything, you just kind of cope every day and you just find the strength to go through stuff," he said.

The TV host and design guru on slowly adapting to life without his spouse and professional counterpart. 1:11

Now though, he's slowly starting to embark on new projects.

In late April, Sabados announced plans to launch a new website for the design and decorating brand S&C Collection, which he and Hyndman debuted in 2007.

Also, this fall, Sabados is returning to CBC-TV as one of the four hosts of a new lifestyle series.

"The great thing about this, or the fun thing, is that each host will have a certain expertise" including health and wellness, fashion and food, explained Sabados, who will serve as the design and décor guru.

"I could never do anything by myself or even with a co-host would be difficult, you know, because [it'd be] compared to Steven and Chris," he said.

"This is comforting and I think that it allows you to sort of be a little freer and to sort of play with a group of people."

However, going on without Hyndman remains "a struggle every day," Sabados said.

"I can't say moving on. I don't like the [phrase] 'moving on' because you never move on: you just adapt. And you just, in some way, just survive. And you change."

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