The Goods

The biggest sex mistakes you don't know you're making

Sexologist and YouTuber Shannon Boodram reveals some bedroom blunders that we all might be guilty of — without even knowing it.
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This article was originally published April 7, 2017.

We all probably give ourselves at least a B+ when it comes to our performance in the bedroom, right? But there's still probably more than a few things we could do to up our games when it comes to getting down. So, we enlisted the help of sexologist, author and YouTuber Shannon Boodram to reveal the common mistakes we could be making in bed without even knowing it.

Insulting yourself or leading with insecurities 

Yes, getting naked in front of someone else may make you feel vulnerable, but if you're insecure about certain parts of your body, don't vocalize or draw attention to it. We may be tempted to say things like, "Don't stare too long," or "I haven't been to the gym in forever," as we feel like the parts we're insecure about are the elephant in the room. But in all likelihood, your partner wasn't even noticing or thinking negative things about you, so why make the moment unsexy with insecurities? 

Coming in with moves

Having moves in the kitchen or on the dance floor is cool, but when it comes to intimacy and a new partner, a rehearsed act can seem canned, corny and cocky — not in a good way. Sex isn't show and tell, it's listen and learn.

Assuming what works for you will work for others

Have you ever been with someone who gives a painfully hard massage, to the point where you wonder if there's a "Kick Me" sign on your back? These people touch how they like to be touched, assuming if it's good for the goose it's good for the gander. This isn't just a warning sign in the bedroom, but for all areas of life, as this type of partner may only be able to look at life through their own lens.

Trying to keep things spicy by doing more

Variety is the spice of life — but in the bedroom it can also be a thorn in your side. People tend to go big when thinking of ways to change things up in the bedroom. But really, the subtle things like smiling, sharing a few more words, new sheets or more of the thing we like can provide the real change we wish to see.

Being silent

When it comes to intimacy, sounds are your road maps to success. So when someone offers zero feedback, it's like being lost alone in the wilderness at night or like watching a sporting event without any commentary or crowd noise.

Too little foreplay

Foreplay is coreplay — women need anywhere from 12-20 minutes to get fully aroused. A few kisses on the neck doesn't qualify.