This lip gloss feels like kissing a cat's wet nose
For the most diehard ailurophiles (that's wordnerd for cat fancier, the next time you want to impress/annoy your friends), there's no shortage of cat celebs, cat-themed clothes and Instagram accounts over which to obsess. There may, however, be only one lip gloss.
Don't get me wrong, there are tons of cat-esque, even cat-shaped, lip glosses out there. But only one company makes the brazen promise that applying their gloss feels like kissing a cat's wet widdle nose. In fact, most of their beauty products promise to mimic oddly specific contact with a friendly feline. Weird or not, it's weapon's grade cute-onium.
Yes, Felissimo Nekobu, a company whose mission is to offer beauty products that evoke sensory recall of your last feline cuddle, bring us their most recent offering, the "Neko no hana ni kisu shita mitai – hinyari ohana" lip gloss. Which according to RocketNews24 translates to "It's like I've just kissed a cat's nose — a pleasantly cool nose" lip gloss.
The product, which comes in three pout enhancing colours ("cute pink, lively orange and calming brown") also promises to be kitten-milk scented. It's unclear if kittens were gently milked or if their breakfast was borrowed to mimic the scent. Or maybe, given the muzzle theme of the product, it's kitten milk-breath you'll get a whiff of when you gloss up. Sometimes despite our best efforts, things do get lost in translation. No matter. If you have lips, love cats and are planning on going a little extra, this is your lip gloss. It'll have you caterwauling "check meowt" all over town. Almost sorry.
The product is a very affordable 1300 Yen, or about 15 bucks Canadian. And, if it's your cup of kitten-milk, you can feel good about your purchase knowing that about 50 cents of that goes to Felissimo's Cat Foundation Fund. Unsurprisingly, they love cats as much as their ideal demographic.
If you're all set for lip gloss, they also sell a cat-tongue face cleaner for a singularly authentic feline grooming experience, a perfume that will make you smell like cat scruff (kitty neck fur), a fabric mist that guarantees the precise pong of cat forehead, and a cat-paw scented hand cream. All of which will let you twin hard with the cats of planet earth.
Cats are big business. The rise of cat cafes, stylish cat furniture, even famous Canadian anthropomorphic cat art being sold is indicative of a booming industry. There was even a cat symposium of Catrepreneurs held in New York last weekend. The purrrpose? To discuss feline business, or Big Cat, as it will no doubt soon be called. Curiously, there are far more dog lovers than cat lovers worldwide. Don't pant too proudly at that, dog people. Even though they're clearly susceptible to marketing ploys, cat lovers are smarter than dog lovers.
Still, I'm going to hold out for more dog-themed cosmetics. Even if it aligns me with the dimmer party, I'm a dyed in the shag dog person. I may forego any dog-nosed lip gloss that touts a dog-food scent though. I don't want anything associated with the gustatory habits of canines anywhere near my pout, no matter how fetching the shade of gloss.
Marc Beaulieu is a writer, producer and host of the live Q&A show guyQ LIVE @AskMen.