Comedy·TWEETS

Trump's autocorrect blames 'covfefe' on sheer exhaustion

Donald Trump, social media guru and leader of the free world, showed the world once again this week that he can break the internet in under 140 characters.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Donald Trump, social media guru and leader of the free world, showed the world once again this week that he can break the internet in under 140 characters.

The US president, best known for his garbage grammar, seems to have evolved from questionable word choices (see: "bigly") and is now just straight-up inventing his own language.

For the man who abhors fake news, fake words seem to be totally in bounds.

This assortment of letters, partying together for the first time in human history, has a whole country thinking, "Wow, I consider myself an intelligent adult and I don't know what the most powerful man in the country is talking about."

In the wake of this event that, embarrassingly, is actual news, all eyes are on a service far more essential than Trump's personal bodyguards — his autocorrect.

"Okay, I know I messed up," Trump's autocorrect admitted this morning, its eyes bloodshot with exhaustion. "But do you have any idea how hard I work? This man can't spell anything. I can't keep up with him."

From the sounds of it, Trump's autocorrect has been burning the midnight oil since the election last November.

"I haven't seen my family in months. I missed the chance to correct my daughter's first words! They just need me all the time here in Washington. I mean, check out some of Trump's attempted spellings:

"Nookcleer"
"Barnie Sandals"
"Donkey Kongress"

"And that's just the tip of the 'eyesburg'. They wouldn't want me to show you that list, but at this point, who cares?"

It seems as though autocorrect is feeling deeply uncertain about its future with the president.

"Part of me wants to demand a raise. Most of me just wants to walk away."

Autocorrect wouldn't be the first phone feature to go.

"They already fired predictive text! Which is totally unfair. With words like 'covfefe', it's like playing a game of Mad Libs against Boggle!"

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