Trump appoints Ivanka to head anti-nepotism task force
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Vowing to get serious about the many allegations of nepotism in government he has been hearing about recently, President Donald Trump appointed his daughter and her husband Jared Kushner to investigate this, and find out how the practice of giving family members jobs could be put to a halt.
"Obviously most, if not all, of the problematic policies that people have complained about in my administration were actually originally implemented by my predecessor," said Trump in a press conference this morning. "That includes drones, golfing, and the outrageous nepotism that he practiced, which I am trying my best to root out."
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"As far as I understand it, and stay with me because this is pretty crazy, Barack Obama's entire immediate family lived with him in the White House, which is absurd. I've got Melania and Barron living in Trump Tower in New York, as you all know. And that's not because my wife would rather be alone all day than be forced to live in the same house as me, and certainly not because I don't want them to see what I'm getting up to," said Trump. "It's because of school or something, I can't remember; whatever I said it was a few months ago is still what it is. But Obama. Wow. Now that's bad behaviour folks, I'm pretty disappointed."
"He even had a dog," continued Trump. "I don't mean a dog he shot on safari in Africa and mounted on a wall, which you'd maybe understand. A dog that lived with them, like a member of the family! So that's already five individuals by my count."
"I've asked Ivanka and Jared to look into this," said Trump, "and they may ask some other people around the White House to help, like say Donald Jr. and Eric, who they will ask not because they are family, but because they are government insiders. Plus they've got a lot of expertise working for all my businesses; they know how a business is run, and business is just a government with more casinos."
"Don't want to be accused of relying too heavily on family, though, which is why I'll leave my daughter Tamara out of this," said Trump. "Tiffany, I mean. I believe Tiffany is the name; I know it's a double-T situation, anyway."
At press time, Trump was outraged upon learning that Democrat John F. Kennedy had fathered a child while in the White House, saying that he would never invent new family to give jobs to as long as he was living in the White House, though he would probably gradually give existing family even more jobs in the government than they currently have.
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