DON'T NARC OUT

Trudeau opens marijuana press conference by demanding to know if reporter is a cop

Trudeau’s press conference regarding the Liberal marijuana bill expected to be tabled this Thursday could have gone much better, according to sources.

OTTAWA, ON—Trudeau's press conference regarding the Liberal marijuana bill expected to be tabled this Thursday could have gone much better, according to sources.

The prime minister surprised onlookers and the assembled press by responding to the very first question by demanding to know whether the reporter was, in fact, a cop.

"Uh, no, sir, Dwight McDonald of ABC News," said the reporter, who then reassured a visibly ruffled Trudeau when he asked McDonald to verify, "so you're cool, then? Are we cool? Relax everyone, everything is cool. Guys."

"It's cool."

​Trudeau then responded to a question about the exact amount of marijuana that an individual Canadian would be allowed to personally possess by glancing down into his pockets in what he seemed to think was an unnoticeable way, and then saying, "Hmmm, I dunno, 30 grams? 35? I have to get back to you on that in a couple minutes. Any of you guys got a scale?"

"By the way, you have to tell me if you're a cop; like legally you have to tell me," added the prime minister.

Trudeau then asked the press gallery whether any of the journalists planned to "narc out" in their stories later that day, which, when pressed, he defined as "just not being cool. Basically it all comes down to just being cool, you guys. Honestly, if you're cool we have no problem here, you and me!"

Trudeau then laughed for upwards of five full seconds.

At press time, Trudeau appeared to be selecting a reporter in the back row for the next question, but instead, after pointing at him, declared to the room, "I mean either this guy's a cop or someone just ordered brunch. I'm joking. You guys gotta be cool right now. Come on, let's all just take off."

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