Comedy·BEEP BEEP

Traffic jam solved through honking

The story of how one man took action as cars began backing up on Toronto's Lakeshore Boulevard this morning.

TORONTO, ON—As cars began backing up on Lakeshore Boulevard this morning, 31-year-old Sam Burns knew he needed to take action.

That's when the quick-thinking tax lawyer began honking his horn. As a result, all cars immediately got out of the way in what witnesses have described as a Moses-parting-the-Red-Sea type of situation. 

"It was amazing. As soon as I honked my horn the drivers in front of me realized that they should no longer be in a car accident," recalls Burns.

"They just disregarded that lady with a broken wrist and got out of my way."

However, this wasn't just an isolated incident.

A new study from the Center for Loud Noise Solutions found that every single traffic jam can be solved by laying into your horn "for like 10 seconds."

The comprehensive study of nearly three traffic jams in Toronto yesterday found that every single resolution was preceded by someone honking his or her horn at some point.

Honking scientists link the solution back to our ancestors. For our cave-renting ancestors, a loud noise signaled a potential threat to safety.

It's the same reason why yelling demeaning things at your child during their hockey game builds up their self-confidence so much.- Noah Leibtag

"As a result of this conditioning, our body has adapted to react whenever we hear a loud noise," explains leading researcher Noah Leibtag. 

"It's the same reason why yelling demeaning things at your child during their hockey game builds up their self-confidence so much. "

Because honking has the potential to be such an effective solution, a proposal is now in front of Toronto's City Council to equip all residents of Toronto with their own personal horn. 

Some residents oppose the plan, as they fear the horn-for-all solution will create too much noise pollution.

But Andrew Louis, a major advocate of the proposal, disagrees. 

"In the same way that having more guns everywhere somehow probably leads to less gun violence, I can only imagine that having more horns around would lead to less honking."

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