Comedy·LOOKS COOL

This restaurant must be good, it has weird torches in cages at the front

It is a truth universally acknowledged that this restaurant on the main street downtown must be great, because it has those weird torches in the cages out front.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that this restaurant on the main street downtown must be great, because it has those weird torches in the cages out front.

I pass by it often, but I've never had the gall to enter — if that's what they're showing us on the outside, imagine what awaits us on the inside!

You just know there will be swords involved somehow. Whether it's on the walls or involved in the slicing of your meat, you just know there are going to be swords; flames always lead to swords, it's kind of a rule.

I wonder if the guy standing next to the flames, handing out menus, is ever nervous they'll burn him. If he is, he doesn't acknowledge it. What a pro.

I gotta try this place.

I can't remember what it's called right now. Bambriano's? Thor's Palace? The Byzantine Oven? Something like that, something like one of those.

The main thing I remember right now is there are these big obelisk-type cages out front, with live flames bursting forth. With that kind of thing going on, the food is fairly irrelevant, no?

I wonder if they're also using those kinds of flames to cook the food. I mean, yes, it's showy, but the level of evenly distributed heat provided by a modern electric grill is far superior.

Still, though: very cool. Cannot resist staring at the flames for a while, every time I walk by that place.

Silvio's? Is it called Silvio's? I don't think it serves Italian food (I often take a menu from the guy standing next to the flames and absent-mindedly glance at it, pretending I might go in, just so I can be nearer to the flames for a little while) … but is Silvio even an Italian name? I know it's on The Sopranos, but that doesn't mean it's only an Italian name. Meadow isn't. Neither is Christopher, probably.

My friend has a friend who was waiting for a table outside for so long that they got a tan on one side of their face.

I'll go in sometime. That place just has to be good.

P.S. I wonder if they stick the swords into the flames at any point.

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About the Author

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.