Comedy·EXPIRATION DATE

'Sorry I can't make it — I'm busy,' says woman 20 minutes into bad date

“When you can’t go on a date with someone, all you have to say is, ‘Sorry, I can’t make it! I’m busy!’” she explains. “So I decided to go with that.”
(Shutterstock / mentatdgt)

Not half an hour into dinner at the Cavernous Tavern, Chloe Dearborne realized two things: a) the date she was on was an unmitigated disaster; and 9) she needed to leave.

"Within the first 10 minutes he denied climate change, dry-shampooed his chest hair at the table, said he 'simply doesn't believe in mammals,' and asked me if I'd ever considered looking more like Venus Williams," she sighs.

The man in question, Gregory Luge, had asked Chloe out after chatting with her briefly online in the comment section under a music video for Toto's Africa.

Dearborne says that when she considered the fact that appetizers were barely over and there was still the main course, dessert, AND coffee to go, she began to spiral into a silent meltdown at the table. And then suddenly, she decided on the perfect course of action.

"When you can't go on a date with someone, all you have to say is, 'Sorry, I can't make it! I'm busy!'" she explains. "So I decided to go with that."

Asked whether it mattered at all that she had already agreed to the date, and in fact was currently on the date, both things thereby indicating that she was not in fact busy, Dearborne said simply, "No. No, I don't think that's a factor here."

And that's how it came to pass that when Luge was mid-sentence (something about his extensive pleather turtleneck collection), Dearborne loudly informed him that she was sorry, but she wouldn't be able to make it tonight.

"Tonight meaning...drinks somewhere else after dinner?" Luge asked.

"N — no. Tonight meaning….the whole entirety of all the events taking place tonight that involve you and me being in the same place."

"Drat!" Luge responded. "Gosh, it's just so tough to sync up schedules in the summer! People are so busy! Well, let's see if we can book something in a couple of weeks, but then we're getting into August, and that's a bit of a wait, isn't it? Hmmmmm. Sorry that you can't make it tonight."

When Luge questioned why she hadn't mentioned her busyness prior to their arrival at the restaurant, Dearborne simply rose from the table and fled the scene.

"Sorry!" she called. "It's such a crazy time of year for me — just this specific night I mean, with you!"

10 minutes later, Dearborne was lying in a starfish formation on her bed, watching Evil Genius on Netflix, despite having seen every episode twice already.

"I am very busy," she confirmed to her empty apartment.

"I feel bad that I couldn't make it out with that guy tonight," she explains,  "even though I only realized that half an hour into being out with him. The truth is, initially I could make it. But once I met him, I changed my mind and decided I couldn't."

She then abruptly passed out for 13 hours.

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About the Author

Sophie Kohn

Writer/Producer

Sophie Kohn is writer and producer with CBC Comedy, a stand-up comedian in Toronto, and a graduate of Second City's Conservatory program.