Comedy·BANKING

Scotiabank's new slogan: 'You're Richer Than You Think. Except You, Jeff, You Owe Us $60,000'

Responding to pressure from truth-in-advertising advocate groups, Scotiabank has announced a modification to its longstanding marketing slogan.

TORONTO, ON—Responding to pressure from truth-in-advertising advocate groups, Scotiabank has announced a modification to its longstanding marketing slogan.

"It has been brought to our attention that the phrase 'You're Richer Than You Think' is not entirely accurate," explained director of marketing Allen Parsons in a press conference this morning. "When we approved the slogan, we totally forgot about this guy Jeff who owes us a lot of money. Like, I'm talking sixty grand here."

Parsons went on to clarify that between loans for a pricey York University Fine Arts degree, debt consolidation, and a substantial line of credit, Jeff is in major debt to Scotiabank.

"I checked the books personally, and this guy Jeff, oh boy, he's in bad shape," continued Parsons. "His annual freelance income doesn't even cover the interest on these loans. He's so poor, I might even describe him as 'anti-rich.' And the chucklehead has no idea. I called him and the first words out of his mouth were, 'Jeez, that much? Looks like it's time for a new credit card.'"

At the time of this writing, Jeff was unavailable for comment as he was busy setting up an art installation featuring "many fidget spinners."

Parsons explains that the old slogan still applies to people in their mid-forties to late sixties. "A large cross-section of the population including baby boomers is definitely rich as hell. Between generous retirement packages, home and cottage ownership, and other assets, boomers are doing great. It's pretty much just Jeff at this point, and anyone under the age of 25 that is fucked."

The correction will serve as a stopgap before the debut of next year's slogan, "Be Nice To Your Parents, They're Richer Than You Think."

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