Comedy·SOOOOO????

QUIZ: Who's thirstier for updates? Adobe Acrobat or your Jewish grandmother since you started dating?

Look, one of them has a button that says “Remind Me Tomorrow” and one of them doesn’t even give you that option because the only option is to UPDATE HER RIGHT NOW.

1. It's 2 a.m. Something's happening and a window is involved. What's it more likely to be?

a) A pop-up reminder on your computer from Adobe Acrobat

b) Oh, that's just my grandmother throwing pebbles at my bedroom window again

2. Let's talk about Adobe Acrobat. Check all applicable methods it uses to demand an update. Give yourself one point for each method you choose.

a) Via the computer

b) Sending a well-dressed representative to your home

c) Fax

d) Stand-up paddleboarding

e) Rollerblading

f) Boat

g) Telephone

3. Now let's run precious bubbe through the same checklist:

a) Via the computer

b) Sending a well-dressed representative to your home

c) Fax

d) Stand-up paddleboarding

e) Rollerblading

f) Boat

g) Telephone

4. You refuse to update Adobe Acrobat. What are the material consequences to your day?

a) After a stern warning that failure to agree to an update would result in my future functionality suffering serious repercussions, the sun still set and rose the next morning.

b) All of the above

5. You refuse to update your Jewish grandmother on your third date with Josh the orthodontist. What are the material consequences to your day?

a) After a stern warning that failure to agree to an update would result in my future functionality suffering serious repercussions, it did.

b) All of the above

6. Using today as a typical example, who has aggressively demanded more updates from you?

a) Adobe Acrobat. 31 requests before noon!

b) 31 requests before noon? That's nothing. Bubbe wins by a landslide.

7. When do you have a more intense physiological response from refusing to provide the update in question?

a) Definitely when I defy the request from Adobe Acrobat.

b) When I coyly deflect the request from bubbe. I AM DRUNK WITH POWER.

8. Look, one of them has a button that says "Remind Me Tomorrow" and one of them doesn't even give you that option because the only option is to UPDATE HER RIGHT NOW.

a) You're right. Adobe's much more chill about it.

b) No, you're right. The intensity of bubbe is very, very real.

ANSWER KEY:

Hello, this quiz is straight-up rigged. Although Adobe Acrobat is one of the thirstiest bros going, and has certainly proven itself to be a notable and worthy competitor to bubbes everywhere, come on: let's be real. We all know there's simply no contest, and the Jewish grandmother has a thirst for updates that cannot be rivalled nor contained.

Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook and Instagram.

About the Author

Sophie Kohn

Writer/Producer

Sophie Kohn is writer and producer with CBC Comedy, a stand-up comedian in Toronto, and a graduate of Second City's Conservatory program.

now