Comedy·DUMBO

Other zoo animals not buying that elephant only forgets one thing: its wallet at zoo brunch

You know, it’s it’s kind of weird that it slipped his mind. You know, since he remembers literally everything else.

It's getting a little old.

Elmer forgot his wallet again.

We did our weekly giraffe, elephant, tapir, and marmoset brunch, and Elmer forgot his wallet again.

It was an annoying aspect to an otherwise wonderful morning and mid-day. It's a good brunch crew. We've got plenty of great stories from our various zoo pavilions, and everybody always has a really good time, even the tapir, which, good luck with that usually.

Another thing that always happens is that Elmer forgets his wallet.

You know, it's… it's kind of weird that it slipped his mind, especially because just the moment before he had been telling us a particularly detailed story about a trainer who had worked here for literally three days as a summer trainee 14 years ago.

Craig, Tony thought his name was, but Elmer reminded us that it was spelled Crayg.

Maybe. We'd have to take his word for it.

He has an amazing memory, after all.

So you'd think that memory would kick into gear when it comes to morning nibbles, too.

My meal cost $0.84.

His meal cost $4,759.12.

He's an elephant, after all.

I'm a marmoset.

I actually stuffed myself, and it was still peanuts compared to him.

(I didn't intend a pun there, but his breakfast did include 583 peanuts. Yeah, I counted. I was bored. His stories are detailed, but guess what, that doesn't make them interesting.)

Elmer, of course, asked politely whether we could spot him.

He always asks politely. He's a nice guy. He was extra-polite about it last week.

Although he couldn't vouch for that remember also forgetting his wallet last week.

Which is pretty rich (as is Elmer. Does a lotta shows. Not many people asking for tapir tricks, not to pick on Tony again. Elmer even worked for the circus for years — he has the dough. And yes he also had $800 worth of dough at brunch. Just completely raw dough.)

It seems like his memory only falters when it comes to dollars, and cents, and trading them for food.

An elephant never forgets? Then guess what, Elmer: an elephant never gets his bill comped by little ol' me again.

Especially because even when he does remember, he tips peanuts.

Literally. From now on every time I say peanuts I mean it literally.

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About the Author

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.