Comedy·NO SURPRISE

Ontario changes license plate slogan from 'Yours To Discover' to 'You Couldn't Afford It'

Don G. Harden, a spokesman for the province, held a press conference early this week to relay the news.

TORONTO, ON—A new spike in Toronto housing prices has led the province of Ontario to change its once proud license plate slogan of "Yours To Discover" to "You Couldn't Afford It."

Don G. Harden, a spokesman for the province, held a press conference early this week to relay the news.

"We want to send a message to everyone thinking about moving here. That message is: you don't have enough money to move here. I live in a dumpster behind a Tim Hortons and my rent is seventeen hundred a month."

Harden concluded the press briefing early to start his shift driving for Uber.

Barb Oobies was one of the writers brought in to work on the slogan committee. She was highly sought after having worked on such high-profile state license plates as "Iowa: Just Corn and Jesus" and "Michigan: Still 40% Habitable." 

"Some of the other ideas we were kicking around were 'Help, I'm Drowning in Debt' and 'F**k The Upper Class', but they were ultimately vetoed because they were seen as very, very, very, very, depressing."

The slogan change does not come as much of a surprise for those living in some of Ontario's larger cities as they have been paying upwards of twenty-three dollars for a pint of craft beer.

Although many complain about the inexplicably high cost of living, most will never make the sacrifice to change their circumstances.

When asked about what he might do to combat the rising prices one resident said, "I would rather die poor in the gutter of Toronto than live comfortably in Sarnia."

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