Comedy·LIAR

Man celebrating being Irish on St. Patrick's Day hopes nobody remembers he was Scottish on Robbie Burns Night

Bernson, who is from Flamboro, Ontario, and is neither Irish nor Scottish, isn’t totally sure what his background is.

LONDON, ON—Terry Bernson, a 24-year-old graduate student at Western, is currently rooting through his bedroom for green clothes and getting ready to celebrate being Irish on St. Patrick's Day. As he does so, he's also hoping that it's been long enough since Robbie Burns Night that the people who saw him celebrating being Scottish that night have forgotten all about that.

Bernson, who is from Flamboro, Ontario, and is neither Irish nor Scottish, isn't totally sure what his background is. Definitely some Polish or something, probably some British in there? All the same, nobody else knows that, and he is really looking forward to "getting [his] beer on" tonight for the sake of the motherland. "Let's paint the walls green, my boys!" is something he has now said at least four times, because green is a colour he associates with the country of Ireland based purely on past St. Patrick's Days and on the appearance of leprechauns, having never visited the country, and why would he, he probably has no actual association with it.

Moreover, he spells it St. Patty's Day.

"Erin go bragh, my mates!" Bernson also said, not knowing what the term means, or even what language it is (Gaelic? Irish? Is Irish a language?), "now let's get out there and celebrate the Emerald Isle!"

Bernson, who doesn't even know that there is both a Northern Ireland and a Republic of Ireland and that they are separate things, was to be found just two months ago carousing at a Burns Night dinner and proclaiming how proud he is to be Scottish. He then said "I love the Emerald Isle," meaning Scotland instead that time, and noted that he eats haggis pretty much every day. One potential hurdle is that he wore the same green outfit that night that he'll be wearing tonight, because he thinks that's the colour for them, too.

At press time, Bernson seemed to be asking an awful lot of people how long it is until Caribana.

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