Lucky! Man finds $10 in spring jacket pocket and $400,000 in blood-stained gym bag
BURNABY, B.C.—Sometimes all it takes is a little unexpected surprise to turn your day or even your whole week around, and Dennis Taylor of Burnaby got just that surprise this morning.
- RELATED: Man decides instead of joining gym this year, he'll throw $80 in puddle every month
- RELATED: Sorry if mugging you in a dark alley was 'politically incorrect'
While putting on his spring jacket for the first time this year, he stuck his hand in the pocket and found an unexpected $10 bill that had presumably been sitting in there unspent all summer, fall, and winter. Not for much longer, though!
He also happened to be passing by his local park at the time, and saw a blue duffel bag peeking out from behind a group of pine trees, poorly concealed, as if it had been left there in a hurry. Upon closer examination of the sack, Taylor found — you won't believe this — $400,000 in unmarked bills!
"It's wonderful to find an unexpected item in your pocket, even if it's just 10 bucks," said Taylor. "It makes you feel like things are going to be okay, that things are on the upswing, that you've done something right."
"And that should help me in the upcoming days, because I'm dealing with a real existential crisis with this illicit cash. I've hidden it in my garage but I'm sure people are after it. People must be after it, right? But were they watching me, that's the real question here. And I have no way of knowing, really, though deep in my soul I know that from here I should proceed as if they were."
"Man. 400,010 smackers!"
At press time, Taylor was thinking maybe he would spend the 10 dollars on something for himself, something he wouldn't usually buy, maybe like a lobster roll or something. He was also thinking maybe he would burn the $400,000, because it would probably only bring a criminal element closer to his family if he didn't, though maybe he could just burn a similar bag that appeared to contain the surely ill-gotten fortune, then move away with his family and change his name — change all of their names to be safe.
Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook.