Comedy·A LITTLE BIT OF...

Lou Bega announces surprise release of Mambos 6 through 48

A little bit more Bega in our lives; a little bit of dancing with our husbands and wives.

MIAMI, FL—A little bit more Lou Bega in our lives; a little bit of dancing with our husbands and wives.

Actually the preceding was quite an understatement, as music fans everywhere are about to be treated to a lot more Lou Bega in their lives.

The artist behind the '90s one-hit wonder announced this morning at a well-attended press conference the Beyoncé-like surprise release of the next 42 installments of his long-gestating "Mambo Project."

"I am proud and excited to continue to tell the tale of the mambo," said Bega to the assembled press and his rabid fans (who variously go by the titles Lou-natics, the Mambo Combo, and of course his north-of-the-border fan club, the Great Canadian Begas).

Bega said that although he's happy with what he had to say in 1999's Mambo No. 5, he has much more to express: both about the women discussed in the original work, and others besides.

"I think people will be very curious to catch up with the whole cast of characters: is Monica still in my life? Erica: is she still by my side? Or did it turn out that Rita was truly all I would need, even though Tina was all I could see," said Bega (born David Lubega).

"As excited as I am for you to catch up with those fine ladies, however, I'm even more excited for you all to meet some new folks," he said. "Have you met Gertrude, who's in the room? Or maybe Janet, who has a spoon? How about Wilma, who's really fun? Also Heather, who used to be a nun?"

After this sneak preview of snatches of the new lyrics, Bega denied that he had lost his way with words.

"As long as it rhymes, it's good. I think I proved that in the original, and I'll continue to prove that, such as when you meet Carol, who's not translucent, and also Jenny, who's never a nuisance." [Editor's Note: this is not an exact rhyme, though we doubt the tens of millions of Bega fans around the world will care after having endured such a long wait.]

Asked by an enthusiastic fan if we would ever get a chance to hear any of the oft-rumoured, now-legendary Mambos 1, 2, 3, and 4, Bega once again demurred.

"It's quite possible I will never release those. Anyone who has heard them is sworn to secrecy, and to be honest, in those days I was still learning how to mambo," said the star.

"In fact… how can I put this? I'm not even totally sure they're all technically mambos. At least one seems like a cha-cha, and my manager said #2 is 'more of a beguine,' though I don't think he knows exactly what that sounds like."

"But maybe you'll hear them, maybe you won't. Sure, people say I'm too unpredictable, but what can I do when I can't even predict myself? It's a wild ride sometimes, being me, Lou Bega."

At press time, Bega angrily denied the existence of an original prototype entitled Mambo No. Zero, saying, "What would that even sound like? And what would rhyme with zero? Hero? Yeah, okay, I guess that would. And also, I guess I don't really say the title of the song ever in the other song, just all those women's names. Sure, okay, yes there's a Mambo No. Zero. Just get off my back about it."

And with that, Bega fled the stage, leaving the podium to walk his car, many fans screaming for the star.

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About the Author

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.