Jeremy Woodcock

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.

Latest from Jeremy Woodcock

GOAL FEVER

If Auston Matthews does not maintain his 148-goal pace, this season is a failure

I can sense your surprise. You think there are a lot of metrics by which the season could still be a success. Not so, for a Leafs fan.
OOPS

I am Banksy, and I will never reveal my identity - by Robin Gunningham (editor's note: do not print name)

Many who attempt to keep their secret identity a secret have been uncovered. But me? Robin Gunningham? (editor’s note: wait what? we shouldn’t put his name if it’s anonymous, right?)
ROBBED

William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman once again robbed of Nobel Prize for Chemistry

News out of Oslo this week has chemistry-heads shaking those very same heads, as Frances Arnold, George Smith, and Gregory Winter have been named this year’s Nobel laureates in the field of chemistry. Yes, you read that correctly.
COOL IT

I am a father deciding whether it's time to 'turn the heat on for the winter'

This is not a decision to take lightly. Once I do this, there is no turning back until next summer.
ACTUALLY

'A Star Is Born' mentions nothing about the rapid formation of dense supernovae: By Neil deGrasse Tyson

Yeah. The title excited me too. But allow me to calm you right down.
DON'T FALL OVER

Let's rank the seasons on a scale from not-autumn to best (autumn)

First of all let me just say that autumn is the best season by far, but sure, let’s go through this charade. Let’s figure out which season is the best (autumn) and which is the worst (the others, doesn’t really matter which is which, they kind of blur together actually).
Double-0-Never

QUIZ: Which promising actor should enter a comfy career coffin by playing outdated character James Bond?

The names of many talented actors and actresses are being bandied about to replace Daniel Craig and play the role of James Bond, a staple of the silver screen since 1962. Which of them should forgo the numerous interesting roles they’re no doubt destined to play over the next decade, in order to hold a gun and wear a fancy outfit and defend the honour of the world as it last was in roughly 1965?
QUIT WHILE AHEAD

5 television reboots and spin-offs we never want to see

In this age of constant reboots and spin-offs, it seems like any idea will get the green light. Here are five ideas that should not get that green light.
DO NOT

Movie podcast breaks first rule of Fight Club 1,843 times in first episode

Podcasting history was made this week by the very first episode of the recently debuted film podcast, Reelity Bites.
DUMBO

Other zoo animals not buying that elephant only forgets one thing: its wallet at zoo brunch

You know, it’s it’s kind of weird that it slipped his mind. You know, since he remembers literally everything else.
TIME TO GET MOVIN'

How I will complete the final 387 of 400 items on my summer to-do list in the next two weeks

Just gotta take it slow and steady. Well, maybe a little quick and steady.
VINTAGE

Hootie and the Blowfish's Cracked Rear View becomes first album to hit platinum on thrift store charts

Jagged Little Pill is hot on its heels.
ALL RELATIVE

We need to find a collective noun for nieces and nephews

The average uncle uses 34 years of his life having to say both words.
WON'T RELISH THIS

QUIZ: What would you like on your hot dog: ketchup, mustard, or The Bad One?

Take the quiz down below and let’s see what you feel like putting on there: ketchup, mustard, or... ugh.
ICE CREAM SAMMIES

These fancy new ice cream sandwich places don't understand the cookie is SUPPOSED to be terrible

Remember those ice cream sandwiches we grew up with? Remember the brownish-black “chocolate”?