I deeply alarmed my grandmother by bragging that Rick Moranis just started following me
Last night, over orange cake and tea, my blessed grandmother Jan asked what was new with me. I figured it was the perfect moment to share my huge news.
I'd been working hard on my social media presence over the past few months, really cultivating that personal brand, and well, as of Monday it had officially paid off. Barely able to contain my smile, I just blurted it out:
"Rick Moranis has started following me," I gushed.
Granny Jan put down her teacup abruptly.
"The — the fellow from Honey Oh No, Our Kids Are All Weird?" she asked.
"The very one!" I replied. "AND SCTV, AND Ghostbusters, AND Spaceballs!!!"
The concern in her face deepened. She took my hand. "How — how long has he been following you?"
"Since Monday at 7:12 a.m. eastern," I explained proudly.
"It's smart you recorded the exact time this began," she replied, as she made a note of the date and time on a nearby doily. That's how I knew she was really proud of me.
"He actually doesn't follow that many people," I continued with a smug little smile. Which is true: both his Twitter and Instagram are surprisingly anemic for a celebrity of his talent and stature.
"Lord, I should hope not!" Granny Jan exclaimed. "Goodness me, men get such a pass. 'Oh, he only follows a few people so it's okay.' Good grief."
She began pacing around the living room. She looked stressed.
"Has he ever said anything to you while he's following you???" she asked.
"What? No, no. But I know he's watching and hearing everything I say, and that's more than enough. He's more of a lurker. You know those types? They follow lots of people but they don't ever really say much."
"It's absolutely more than enough," she replied, pounding her fist into the table. "It's way too much, in fact!"
"That's how I felt!" I told her, and explained how it took me most of Monday to emotionally process the fact that erstwhile Canadian celebrity Rick Moranis was following me. Me!
"Once I realized that he was following me, I told all my friends. I made sure to remember to eat and sleep, but it was just so hard to believe that this was actually happening."
"You did all the right things," Granny Jan sighed. "This really changes my opinion of Rick Moranis. I never thought of him as someone who would do this."
I agreed with her, explaining how he might seem like a flashy celebrity, but it's these kinds of acts that help me remember that at the end of the day, he's human.
That was too much for Granny Jan. She grabbed her rotary phone.
"What are you doing???" I asked.
"I'm calling the police," she said, jabbing her index finger into the dialing holes. That's what they're called.
"The Police are following me too!" I laughed.
We stared into each other's eyes for a full twelve minutes.
"They started following me like a month ago."