Comedy·OOPS

I am Banksy, and I will never reveal my identity - by Robin Gunningham (editor's note: do not print name)

Many who attempt to keep their secret identity a secret have been uncovered. But me? Robin Gunningham? (editor’s note: wait what? we shouldn’t put his name if it’s anonymous, right?)

Banksy's art, famous pseudonym, and even more famously wacky exploits have been all over the news again lately.

The artist made their biggest headlines in years by arranging for one of their most famous paintings, Girl With Red Balloon, to be shred the moment it was sold for $1.4 million.

In fact, everything about the individual — whom I must actually tell you, much to your surprise I'm sure, is the very same individual writing this op-ed — has been splashed all over the news, except of course for their name.

And it will remain that way.

Forever.

Many who attempt to keep their secret identity a secret have been uncovered.

But me? Robin Gunningham? (editor's note: wait what? we shouldn't put his name if it's anonymous, right?)

I'll never be discovered.

I've never even let anybody who knows me personally in on the secret.

They'll say to me, "Robin (editor's note: strike this out as well, first name still gives him away), could you possible be Banksy?"

My reply?

"I, Robin, am not going to even dignify that with a response (editor's note: remove this. also doesn't he seem to use his name more often than even the average person would?)."

(editor's note: I understand if he was using a different name, to throw people off the scent. Oh, is that maybe what he's doing?)

(No wait, the mailing address for the article says Robin Gunningham too, so.)

(Why did he do this)

(Still, maybe we leave it because maybe he's going for a classic "double-switch," trying to make people think that he would never give up his identity in this way. Even though we do know that it is his actual identity.)

(That would actually be quite clever!)

(Remind me to ask him.)

(And leave out all this part too obviously.)

(copy editor's note: oops did this get published sory)

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About the Author

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.