Comedy·SO BRAVE

Heroic woman still finds boyfriend attractive after meeting his hot older brother

A woman is being lauded as a national hero after meeting her boyfriend’s smokeshow older brother and still managing to find her boyfriend attractive.

ELORA, ON—A woman is being lauded as a national hero after meeting her boyfriend's smokeshow older brother and still managing to find her boyfriend attractive.

Becca Singer, who has been dating Kyle Read for almost two years, first met his older brother Shane at the Read family barbecue last August. To everyone's shock, she is still dating the younger Read.

"I don't get it," said Ellie Read, Shane and Kyle's mother, "but I'm thrilled she could look past Shane's hypnotizing aura and still see my much duller son."

Singer admits that she initially struggled with the vast canyon of hotness between the two brothers.

"It wasn't easy," said Singer. "When I first saw Shane, I thought someone had made a real-life Snapchat filter, but no, it's just his perfect, non-Photoshopped face."

Singer isn't the only one who thinks so. Until recently, Shane, widely known as "Elora Gorgeous", lived lavishly using the money spontaneously given to him by passing strangers. He now models for the nearby Giant Tiger, which experienced a 6900% increase in sales the day he was hired.

To save her relationship, Singer resorted to extreme measures. "I meditated 10 hours each day just to bleach Shane's jawline out of my mind. Then, to normalize what an average man looks like, I'd spend the rest of my waking hours binge-watching King of Queens. Only then did I feel any attraction I had to Kyle return."

Her efforts did not go unnoticed by Kyle, who stated, "She's the bravest woman I've ever met."

Bringing someone home to meet the family can be stressful for anyone. But for Kyle, who is conventionally attractive but a sack of potatoes compared to his meteorically hot brother, it can be a recipe for heartbreak.

"My last few girlfriends have dumped me less than a week after meeting Shane," said Kyle mournfully. "One said she just didn't want to be tied down, but I knew it was because she couldn't handle being tied down to the brother of the hottest Giant Tiger model in mid-Southwestern Ontario."

So far, Singer has been the only one to stick around, though she has started questioning more than just her attraction to her boyfriend.

"I was an atheist for years, but after seeing Shane, I knew that the divine existed. I am now confident there is a God, and he plays the most haunting banjo cover of Happy Birthday."

Despite all this, she remains valiantly enamoured with Kyle, and will receive the Order of Canada next week for her efforts.

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About the Author

Lexa Graham is a Toronto comedian and writer with a Master’s degree in Engineering. She has written for Reductress, CBC Comedy, and has also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering. You can catch her in Toronto every week hosting and producing Hard Day Comedy, a female-forward stand up show.