Comedy·RUDE

Hand-holding couple causes 21-person pile-up on Toronto sidewalk

A blockage on a Bloor St. sidewalk last night led to a massive pile-up of men, women and children, leaving four injured and everybody late.

TORONTO, ON—A blockage on a Bloor St. sidewalk last night led to a massive pile-up of men, women and children, leaving four injured and everybody late.

Sources concluded Thursday evening that the cause of the human stack was a couple unaware of traffic being blocked behind them by their insistent hand-holding. One woman caught near the front of the pack recalled, "It all happened very quickly. One second I was behind the couple and the next I was mixed up in a pile of strangers, legs up and terrified."

Another woman, single and clearly bitter about it, who witnessed the incident, commented on the situation saying, "We get it! You're in love, but I'm not and therefore I have actual responsibilities."

When approached by the media, the couple was surprised by the pile-up, both members claiming that they were too focused on discussing plans for their beautiful life together to notice what was occurring behind them. The girlfriend seemed more dazed and confused, whereas the boyfriend directed blame towards City Hall. In a statement to the police he stated, "This is clearly a problem that city planners have failed to fix."

He went on to describe the ways in which the city is designed without couples in mind. "This city has failed couples again and again: single-file escalators, a lack of eye-pleasing backdrops for us to pose against and yes, narrow sidewalks. This city is a single-person's playground."

Though it is unknown why exactly the couple was unable to realize that they were causing the chain reaction before injuries occurred, some suspect "the honeymoon phase".

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