HA versus haha versus lol: A guide to decoding digital laughter
All right, look. You attempted a joke. I'm forced to acknowledge this fact because I'm not a total monster. That said, your "joke" was the worst thing ever to happen to humanity. I'm typing "ha" with one hand and calling the UN War Crimes Division with the other. We will never speak of this again, HOWARD.
I see you've gone and attempted another joke. This one was marginally better. That said, please stop it forever.
I wholeheartedly support your nefarious plot to stalk your ex's new girlfriend Tina on LinkedIn, and I too find it amusingly satisfying that she somehow managed to spell "Pilates Instructor" wrong in four different ways.
Oh heyyyy, it's just me, the breeziest person ever to exist. Soooo, I texted you that I'd sooooort of like you to pay me back the $40 you owe me? I've been violently seething about it for weeks so I threw an "lol" on the end there because I'm terrified of confrontation? Please just pay me back and don't make it weird lol, also I kind of hate you a little?
Due to my passive-aggressive nature, I use "lol" so much it's now lost all meaning. You actually did make me briefly smile, though, so like some kind of boy who cried "lol," I'm forced to activate caps lock to differentiate my genuine amusement from my frequent, everyday rage.
Not only am I laughing at your joke, I am experiencing deep respect for you as a person.
Marry me so hard. You are goddamn hilarious.
Did I ever tell you I'm actually an ancient sorcerer who lives in a turret? I know, I know: by day, I appear to be a 30-something woman who owns a condo and works in an office. But the minute I leave for the day and no one's around, it's straight back into the 12 layers of velvet cloak for this lady! Anyway, as an ancient sorcerer who lives in a turret, I'm laughing pretty hard right now.
I HAVE GONE CLINICALLY INSANE WITH LAUGHTER. THE SHEER FORCE OF THIS LEVEL OF HILARITY IS TOO MUCH FOR MY BODY TO BEAR. I LAUGHED SO HARD I HAD TO LEAVE WORK MID-SENTENCE SO I COULD RUN FLAILING DOWN A GROCERY STORE AISLE AND BODYSLAM MYSELF INTO A DELICATE PYRAMID OF BOUNTY PAPER TOWELS THAT AN EMPLOYEE WORKED VERY HARD TO BUILD. I AM TEXTING YOU THIS FROM THE FLOOR, SURROUNDED BY PACKAGES OF BOUNTY, CRAZED WITH HYSTERIA. IN A FEW MOMENTS I WILL EITHER BLACK OUT OR BE PROMPTLY ARRESTED.
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