With election behind him, Trump excited to let loose and tell us how he really feels
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Donald Trump, a man who prior to the election was not a politician of any kind, is the president of the United States of America.
Now that the voters have spoken, this reality-star-turned-leader-of-the-free-world says he's excited let a bit more of his personality shine through.
"It really was a tremendous election," Trump says. "I have bigly huge portions of respect for Hillary and the hard work her and her team put in."
Trump takes a brief pause.
"Who am I kidding? No, I don't," Trump chuckles. "When I called Hillary a nasty woman, there are couple words I would have preferred to use. God, it's nice to be finished with the election so I don't always have to be on my best behaviour anymore."
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Trump's horrific antics are already through the roof for most, but apparently the president-elect has been holding back.
"Until I knew for sure I had the big chair locked in, I felt there was certain parts of my personality and certain details I had to play down," Trump begins. "For instance, this LGBTQ community people keep yelling at me about. I don't know what that is. I'm sure they are a tremendous group of people, whoever they are, but maybe they could use a catchier name. If they move the 'T' to the front, I'll be happy to let it stand for Trump."
Seemingly blind with power, Trump even begins to criticize his own voters for buying into some of his claims.
"And you, my people: I love you. I love you as much as I pretend to love my wife. But let's make something clear. Mexico is not gonna pay for the wall. You guys actually believed that. How? They don't have the money for that. Unless we want the wall made out of twigs and mud!"
Trump, however, does maintain the wall will be built.
"I'm gonna pay for the wall. We all know I have the money. Hell, I think we all know I owe the taxpayers a bit of dough, so maybe we'll use it to build that. You tell me."
With his position officially secure, Trump even seems comfortable making light of his past transgressions.
"People keep asking me if we're gonna make America great again. Of course we are. Tremendously great. We're gonna get America in shape and grab this world right by the..."
Trump winks a gross wink.
And no, I guess Obama can't just stay in office. Justin Trudeau checked:
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