Why didn't anyone tell me that dating was so complicated?
After stepping out of the dating world for some time (due to unfortunate simultaneous bouts of both of eczema and night blindness that I will not address in this piece), I recently decided to dive back in by allowing my work friend to set me up on a 'blind date.' Here's what I learned!
Apparently you shouldn't make jokes on dates now
Beth (my blind date) and I agreed to meet at my place. A nice opportunity to show off my bachelor basement apartment, I thought. When the big night arrived, Beth showed up to my home a few minutes late. So, deciding to make light of the situation (and hopefully elicit a chuckle), I jokingly chastised her as I opened the door to meet her for the first time. "You're late baby! Groovy baby! Yeah baby!" I shouted at her as I opened the door, doing my best Austin Powers. Beth didn't even crack a smile. She just stood there awkwardly and silently until I finally invited her in. I should have known then that I would be in for a dry evening.
I guess nobody appreciates a home cooked meal anymore
After we exchanged hellos, I invited Beth to take a seat at my kitchen table and allow me to serve her dinner. "Um, I thought we were going to a restaurant," she said. "We are going to a restaurant – the James restaurant!" I exclaimed as I put a plate of two hard-boiled eggs in front of her (tip – making a meal is much cheaper than eating out). "Gee, thanks," Beth said, seemingly annoyed. Evidently, home cooked meals are not appreciated in the dating world anymore. How unhealthy (and sad, frankly)!
Thought music was supposed to be romantic. Guess not
Sensing my evening was in need of a romance injection, I decided to take out my secret weapon: my trusty acoustic guitar. As I casually started playing Everything I Do, I Do it For You (the Bryan Adams classic) and looked deep into Beth's eyes, I was disappointed to see that she seemed totally distracted. In fact, she was so distracted that she looked like she was stifling a laugh, seemingly thinking of some joke she had heard earlier. Was this woman made of stone?
Don't bother bringing up your family. Seems to be a date-killer
While enjoying our desserts (a very generous two Babybel cheeses each), Beth seemed startled by the sound of someone trying to open my front door. I reassured her that the noise was just my 75-year-old Aunt Carol (who lives above me and has a key) trying to enter my home unannounced. "NOT NOW, CAROL," I yelled, sensing Beth was uncomfortable. This seemed to be the last straw for our evening, as Beth quickly made some excuse about having a terrible time, and left.
All in all, the evening was a disappointment. But it taught me one thing – dating is just not worth the drama!