US military hacks ISIS network, replaces propaganda videos with Rob Schneider clips
WASHINGTON, DC—At 11:41 PM (EST) last night, an elite force made up of members of United States Cyber Command launched Operation Deuce Bigalow, a brutal cyber attack that crippled the Islamic State's propaganda wing by destroying all its videos and replacing them with clips from Rob Schneider films.
"This is a major victory in the war of narratives," said Admiral Michael S. Rogers, director of the U.S.' National Security Agency and commander of Cyber Command. "ISIS operatives have already accidentally uploaded thousands of Schneider clips to social media and YouTube, including that hilarious scene in The Hot Chick where Schneider, who plays a teenaged woman trapped in a man's body, accidentally urinates all over the bathroom wall because he's never used a penis."
"Ha!" he added.
ISIS spokesperson Abu Muhammad al-Adnani al-Shami expressed outrage over the cyber attack in a YouTube video uploaded this morning.
"America cannot beat us with its Hollywood, Zionist propaganda," al-Adnani al-Shami said, raising his right fist in the air. "Although, I must say, I did laugh a little when Deuce Bigalow's pimp TJ calls him a 'mangina' when they're in the hot tub," he explained, trying to stifle a smile. "And then TJ keeps dropping food in the hot tub and eating it," al-Adnani al-Shami continued, giggling uncontrollably. "I mean, that's just funny. And this is coming from a guy who hates America."
Military analysts and international security experts familiar with ISIS speculate that Operation Deuce Bigalow might be America's most effective blow against the Islamic state yet.
"Young men who watch Rob Schneider clips don't leave their families to fly halfway around the world to join ISIS," said Dr. Alyson Kofman, a professor of International Relations at the University of Toronto. "If anything, they're just going to stay here and seek out more hilarious clips, like that one scene in The Animal when Schneider keeps getting smacked in the head by an orangutang, or that supercut of him in The Waterboy where he's screaming, 'You can do it!' in that hilariously insensitive Mexican accent."
"This is as much an ideological battle as it is a conventional war," Kofman continued. "And in that sense, Rob Schneider's comedy isn't some piddling little fighter plane – it's a fifteen-megaton nuclear bomb."