Funny Stuff

The anonymous Twitter account I created is the hero this world needs

The libtards and shills have eyes everywhere. For a man to stand up and tell them to STFU, with his own name, his own face? No, it would be too dangerous. But from this darkness… a hero will rise. A legend will @.

The Internet has become a cesspool.

Not a literal cesspool – which, we've all seen enough movies to know means "crime-infested city" – but a metaphorical cesspool, where the crime is sewage. The sewage of people's wrong, misinformed ideas.

The libtards and shills have eyes everywhere. For a man to stand up and tell them to STFU, with his own name, his own face? No, it would be too dangerous. But from this darkness… a hero will rise. A legend will @.

I now know that the alternate Twitter account that I created yesterday, with no name or avatar, is exactly the hero that this world needs.

In the film Batman Begins, a young Batman is told by Liam Neeson during a karate battle that to make a difference, he must become more than a man. "You have to BECOME AN IDEA!!!" Liam Neeson screams at Batman as they karate battle.

I too screamed that same sentence at my laptop as I followed the minimum number of recommended accounts required in order to set up my own.

I too had to become an idea, a symbol. I had to become… an egg.

The seed of an idea. The egg of a revolution. The picture they use if you don't upload your own picture. This is the symbol that will strike fear into the Internet's worst offenders. Maybe one day I'll switch it up to an unimpressed-looking anime character. It basically depends if the world is ready or what.

Wherever there is injustice, so too shall my newly created anonymous Twitter account be. I have the technology to find any word on Twitter, anywhere. Wherever somebody tags a tweet #BlackLivesMatter without mentioning that black-on-black crime also exists, I will be there. Wherever somebody mentions climate change, the wage gap, videogames, or Hillary Clinton, I will be there. Wherever somebody is a woman, I will be there and I will stay there.

If you are wrong on Twitter, know this: I will find you. I have the means. And you will feel the full weight of my arsenal of swears, of my list of debate fallacies, of the semi-related meme I made recently. And you will fall, as I rise in triumph. Unless you block me. But that's also kind of a triumph for me, if you think about it. It's actually what I wanted all along, so now YOU look dumb. Beware.

now