Single man only runs into attractive women while bringing jumbo pack of toilet paper home from store
VANCOUVER, BC—Finding a romantic partner can be difficult at the best of times, but for Vancouver IT worker Ivan Kim, an unfortunate recurring incident has been making the task even more challenging.
"I'm telling you this keeps happening to me. Without freaking fail," laments Kim. "Every time I'm on my way home from the grocery store, it's like 'BOOM!'"
Kim estimates that he has bumped into an attractive female acquaintance approximately five out of the last five times he has been carrying a jumbo pack of toilet paper home from various grocery stores.
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"I've had a big crush on this girl Molly from work the past few months," Kim sighs. "She's really nice, smart, beautiful – basically a huge catch. And the crazy thing is, I think she was actually into me. Then last week I saw a huge sale on Royale extra-gentle cottony-soft TP at Sobeys. Next thing I know I'm bumping right into her on the street carrying my jumbo 48-pack. Didn't even have a bag around it. Just devastating."
While colleagues and acquaintances have suggested to Kim that it is possible to recover from such an event, he vehemently disagrees.
"Oh, there's no coming back from a toilet paper run-in," asserts a stone-faced Kim. "It's a death sentence for romance. You can't overcome it. Maybe if you're married."
Asked how he sees his romantic life panning out, Kim says the future seems uncertain.
"If this keeps up, I may have to make a choice: do I stop buying toilet paper, or do I completely give up on the idea of love? It's going to be a tough call, to be honest." Added Kim, "I'm sure as hell not going back to paper towel, I'll tell you that much."