Funny Stuff

New Maggie Smith film rated MNB ("Must Be Accompanied By A Mom Named Barb")

208-year-old beloved actress Dame Maggie Smith will star in a new film next year called Dear Miss Brothlewaite’s Curious Lavender Vest, which Hollywood insists is only appropriate for viewers if they are accompanied by a mom named Barb.

HOLLYWOOD, CA—208-year-old beloved actress Dame Maggie Smith will star in a new film next year called Dear Miss Brothlewaite's Curious Lavender Vest, which Hollywood insists is only appropriate for viewers if they are accompanied by a mom named Barb.

This is the first film in history to be assigned a rating of "MNB" by the Motion Picture Association of America.

"We want moviegoers to appreciate the film as deeply as possible," explains MPAA spokesman Jonas Marchand. "The only way that can happen is if a 60-something mom named Barb is sitting beside you repeatedly clasping her hands and exclaiming how fabulous Maggie Smith is."

"Ideally, the mom named Barb will elbow you sharply 8-12 times throughout the course of the film and whisper that it's just fantastic to see an older woman so comfortable in her own skin," Marchand continues.

Other helpful utterances from the mom named Barb include:

"I just love Maggie Smith."

"Ooooh! Maggie Smith is in this!"

"Maggie Smith doesn't take anyone's bullshit!"

and

"Oh, heavens. Look at Maggie Smith's face right now. Just priceless."

Moviegoer Lily Rooney, 28, says she went to see Maggie Smith's last movie with her great-aunt Barb, 69. Rooney is confident that her viewing experience was greatly enhanced by Barb's loud proclamation upon leaving the theatre that Smith's performance was "downright hysterical."

"Thank god I happened to be accompanied by a mom named Barb," Rooney says breathlessly. "I don't think I could have possibly absorbed the full impact of Maggie Smith's on-screen presence without great aunt Barb's ongoing commentary about how when she looks into Maggie Smith's face, she sees a woman who's 'really lived.' You know?"

Rooney's experience prompted her to write a letter to the MPAA asking them to consider implementing the new rating system for future Maggie Smith films.

Moviegoers who do not have access to a mom named Barb need not despair. According to Marchand, the MPAA has a small fenced-in area on the roof of their headquarters that contains dozens of moms named Barb who are eagerly waiting for news of the next Maggie Smith film. Members of the public are welcome to sign one of the Barbs out for a three-hour period.

"That should be enough time to go see the Maggie Smith film and then hit up the nearest teahouse where you'll enjoy approximately 40 minutes of Barb reenacting her favourite scenes from the movie in a deeply awkward British accent."

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