Funny Stuff

Grandmother accidentally "replies all", mails tenderly handwritten letters to entire Aquafit class

Local grandmother Pearl Harbord is mortified after realizing that without thinking, she sat down yesterday and penned 22 identical letters in breathtaking cursive to every member of her Thursday afternoon Aquafit class, rather than replying only to the instructor as she had intended.

VICTORIA, BC—Local grandmother Pearl Harbord is mortified after realizing that without thinking, she sat down yesterday and penned 22 identical letters in breathtaking cursive to every member of her Thursday afternoon Aquafit class, rather than replying only to the instructor as she had intended.

Harbord explains that several days ago she received a letter in the mail from Ned Fairlawn, her Aquafit teacher at the Oak Bay Recreation Centre. The letter thanked her for her participation in the class and invited her to provide constructive feedback on the program.

Harbord then sat down at her large oaken desk, retrieved her most beloved of quill pens, and wrote out a series of brutally honest opinions.

"I said that the music was terrible, they really should offer some sort of waterproof container for my Scotch Mints, and that I didn't like the look of that hotshot in the second row, Phil or whatever. He's simply got to stop showing off so much on leg day. I realize he beat deep vein thrombosis last year, but even so."

After placing the delicately folded letter into an envelope, addressing it to her instructor and spritzing it with lavender essential oil, Harbord says she accidentally took out an identical piece of paper, wrote out the exact same thoughtful letter again, and placed that one into a second envelope addressed to Phil. She proceeded to repeat this behaviour over and over until she had lovingly written out 22 copies of her note for every student in the class. She then walked slowly and mindfully for 25 minutes to the closest mailbox, where she deposited the letters.

"God, what a careless mistake," Harbord says, referring to the six hours she spent in the gentle afternoon sun, painstakingly forming perfectly rounded letters, grammatically sound sentences and well-constructed ideas.

Harbord says she's dreading next week, when she'll have no choice but to face the class – Phil in particular – after her clumsy faux pas.

"I'm just going to keep my head down and focus on my side kicks," Harbord explains. "This shit's gonna be crazy awkward."

About the Author

Sophie Kohn

Writer/Producer

Sophie Kohn is writer and producer with CBC Comedy, a stand-up comedian in Toronto, and a graduate of Second City's Conservatory program.

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