Funny Stuff

Gender pay gap can't close for 170 years, says society that invented money, jobs, and the law

A society announced today that there is simply no way for it to control or improve the massive disparity in wages between men and women all across the globe, despite the fact that this same society invented the notion of compensation as well as the laws that enforce it.

DAVOS, SWITZERLAND—A society announced today that there is simply no way for it to control or improve the massive disparity in wages between men and women all across the globe, despite the fact that this same society invented the notion of compensation as well as the laws that enforce it.

Women are paid almost half of what their male counterparts make, and the discrepancy is widening every year.

"Our hands are tied," explained 12 male legislators who directly benefit from the wage gap remaining in its current state.

"We sooooo wish we could pay women what they deserve to be paid but unfortunately there's no way it's going to get done a nanosecond before 2186," sighed a society that easily finds millions of dollars to participate in random wars on very little notice and routinely gives pay hikes to MPs and senators without them even having to ask, let alone loudly and repeatedly protest all across the earth for years on end.

After congratulating itself on today's report, the society spent some time reminiscing about all the fun, creative, and important things it's accomplished since it became a thing.

"Well, a while back, we got some super fun papers in all different colours and what we did was we chopped it up into pleasing rectangles and decided that if you have some in your hands, you're doing great!" it recalled. "We were a tiny bit high that day."

"Then, we decided that people should go to work to feel mentally stimulated and financially taken care of, so we dreamt up all these cool jobs they could do!" the society explained. "We decided they could go make lattes, or cut people open and remove their gall bladders, as long as there was a reason for it!"

"We also decided that we should probably make up some rules so that people are treated fairly," the society continued. "Not everyone, though. That would be crazy. Just the people we feel are most important."

Plus women have the pink tax to worry about:

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