Canadian childhood television characters power rankings
Ha-ha! You thought you could resist another article that waxes nostalgic on the television shows of your childhood, but LOOK AT YOU NOW. I have you in my web! I've already gotten your click, so I don't even care if you read the rest of the article!
WAIT, NO! Please keep reading.
This is the definitive ranking of all (aka ten) of the Canadian television characters from your childhood. This is official, no arguments. Here we go:
10 & 9. Nicholas Picholas from Video and Arcade Top Ten & PJ Katie from PJ Katie's Farm
Oh great, I get to watch another kid play video games for half an hour. What am I, my younger brother? NO THANK YOU!
Same deal with PJ Katie's Farm, but she's ranked a spot higher because you have to give YTV credit for producing a television show for $22.
8. The Punisher from Uh Oh
Writer: Yeah, I have an idea for a character for that Uh Oh game show we're developing.
Executive: Go ahead.
Writer: Right, well, I was thinking he could be this scary man who man-handles the children.
Executive: Uh huh.
Writer: And all the children hate this man, because he picks them up, locks them in a box, and pours sludge all over them.
Writer: Really punishes the kids. Actually, his name is 'The Punisher.'
Executive: What's he wearing? Like, a colourful suit?
Writer: He looks like The Gimp from Pulp Fiction.
7. Ananas from Telefrancais
Teeeelefrancais, Telefrancais, TELEFRANCAIS!
Remember when your hungover French teacher would pop in an episode of Telefrancais and expect you to know what the hell was going on? What are they saying? Why is there a talking pineapple? Why do these kids hang out in a junkyard?
Years and years of watching Telefrancais, and all I learned was how to say 'pineapple' and 'skeleton' in French. Considering how many other French words I can remember, that's actually a victory. Bravo, Ananas!
6. The gang from ReBoot
ReBoot was great, AND IT'S COMING BACK BABY! YTV announced that they will be airing 26 brand new episodes that include all your favourite characters: Enzo, Megabyte, Keyboard, Website, AZlyrics, and Prt Screen.
5. Bert and Gert from the Stay Alert Stay Safe PSAs
These rabbits taught you what you needed to know: Adults are all monsters and perverts that want to kidnap you away from your family. If it weren't for Bert and Gert, you'd be in some creep's dungeon right now.
4. Sharon, Lois, Bram, Fred Penner, and... yeah I guess you too Eric Nagler
A tie between our favourite children's singer/songwriters... and okay, sure, Eric Nagler too. Elephant Show was a hoot, Fred Penner's Place is a classic, and... *long sigh* yeah, Eric's World as well I suppose.
3. Phil and Snit from The Zone
These were two straight up jerks that would hang out with you while you watched Sailor Moon. Weren't they the best!? Don't you sometimes wonder what PJ Fresh Phil is up to right now? Well I'll tell you: HE'S IN JAIL.
Nah, just playin', he's probably got kids or something.
Also, why is it that we have to sit through four Transformers movies and a new My Little Pony series, but we can't get 'Snit: Origins'? GET ON IT HOLLYWOOD.
2. Polkaroo from The Polka Dot Door
Polkaroo was a bad man. You knew he was trouble because he had a tattoo of a target on his NECK. It was as if to say, "I'm a magical creature who entertains your children, but also, I dare you to stab me in the neck."
Polkaroo eventually left The Polka Dot Door in 1995 when he was drafted by the New Jersey Nets in the late second round of the NBA draft. He bounced around the NBA for four years before eventually being waived by the Magic in '99.
1. The Friendly Giant from The Friendly Giant
The Friendly Giant was on the air for twenty-seven seasons before being abruptly cancelled after the Giant fell over on a village, killing 108 people.
How come there aren't any old men singing songs and hanging out with puppets on TV anymore? There used to be an abundance, and now there's none. The only old man associated with children is Santa Claus, and it's only a matter of time until he's replaced with a 17-year-old skateboarder named 'Blayze' or some shit.
There you have it! Argument settled. We remembered, we laughed, and most importantly, we made fun of Eric Nagler for no reason at all. He did nothing to anger anyone, and seems like a nice enough man, but we took him down anyway! TAKE THAT NAGLER!