98% of women unable to tell what moment debate started, rest of average Monday stopped
WORLDWIDE – The vast majority of the world's women say they had a very difficult time discerning what time the US presidential debate actually began last night, as it was far too similar in tone and style to everything else that had happened to them over the course of a typical Monday.
"I spent two hours yesterday in a board meeting where an extremely belligerent male colleague repeatedly interrupted me, talked over me, and dismissed my ideas," explains Toronto neuroscientist Dr. Kim Wiesenthal. "When that was done, I rushed home to watch the debate. At least I think I did? The whole day just kind of blurred together."
Hannah Taylor, a mother of two in Ottawa, explains that she and her husband Nick invited his two brothers over to their house last night for a debate-watching party.
"Over dinner we were sharing our thoughts about various election issues, and the conversation turned to the environment," Taylor says. "All three of them were shouting and spewing all kinds of completely insane opinions. I guess if you yell them loudly enough they magically become facts?"
Taylor said she quickly gave up trying to contribute to the "conversation," choosing instead to fantasize about the design of the cover of her third book on climate change, which is set for release in 2017, all the while staring straight ahead into the depths of her brother-in-law's soul and maintaining a polite and pleasant smile.
"By the time I realized we had finished dinner and were now watching the presidential debate on TV, it was half over," Taylor laughs. "Oh well!"
Meanwhile in Winnipeg, bartender Stella Gagnon was working her shift at The Stagger Inn, which had the debate playing on several flat screen TVs.
"This drunk asshole sat at the bar and lectured me for forty minutes on how to pour the perfect pint," Gagnon sighed.
At one point, the man referred to his favourite brand of beer apparently called 'Mooseface.' When Gagnon smiled and gently suggested that he maybe meant 'Moosehead,' the man cut her off and angrily crushed a fistful of peanuts into a disgusting, oily pulp.
"He was like 'IT'S MOOSEFACE, SWEETHEART. If you've never heard of Mooseface it might be time to go back to bartending school and try a little harder this time!!'"
"At that point the debate started," Gagnon says. "By that I mean a lady in a red pantsuit took over for a bit. So that was nice of her."
Gagnon adds that a few minutes into the debate she had to politely ask the man at the bar to stop yelling about shit he knows nothing about because she was trying to listen to a man on TV yell about shit he knows nothing about.