Comedy·COLONIALISM

First Nations decline invite to Canada 150 event, cite onerous task of washing hair during Boil Water Advisory

A local First Nations community has declined the Prime Minister’s invitation to an upcoming Canada 150 event called “Come Hang Around the Fort”.

SOMEWHERE IN CANADA YOU ASSUME IS FARTHER AWAY THAN IT ACTUALLY ISA local First Nations community has declined the Prime Minister's invitation to an upcoming Canada 150 event called "Come Hang Around the Fort". While the community is sincerely remorseful for missing out on a key milestone of reconciliation set by the Prime Minister, members explain that living under a Boil Water Advisory is not only a gross abuse of human rights, it's also time-consuming and physically exhausting.

While it's hard to believe anything could be more fun than spending the evening playing games such as bobbing for apples and pin-the-province-on-unceded-territory, the entire First Nations community has instead opted to take a "me day". Members will be staying in for the night to apply a clarifying sheet mask facial and deep-conditioning hair mask. Other activities that have been proposed for the event include: fireworks, a casserole cook-off, and the unveiling of the Prime Minister's newest tattoo, a reconciliation-themed chest piece.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau expressed his disappointment that First Nations people are once again delaying his agenda to resolve the historic trauma of Indigenous people in ways that exclusively benefit non-Indigenous Canadians. "Reconciliation is hard work, so in lieu of doing any of the difficult work required to alleviate the systemic oppression of Indigenous peoples, we've decided to skip right to the celebration and everything will sort itself out by the end of the year," he explains.

The announcement by the local community to not participate in Canada 150 comes as many First Nations communities across Canada have questioned the government's poorly resourced reconciliation attempts. Many have also raised concern at the poor taste of celebrating 150 years of genocide, given that the colonial structures that devastated Indigenous communities are still in place today.

While his perspective on the issue wasn't requested, local MLA Wab Kinew has stated, "our community hungers for reasons to celebrate and I'm not sure this costs us much. I'd like community members to know that regardless of their concerns, I will be in attendance at the event to party like it's 1867."

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