Comedy·LET'S HANG OUT

Entire office pretends not to be terrified for window cleaner

Several employees carried on with their usual conversations as if someone wasn’t hanging hundreds of feet in the air by a rope.

TORONTO, ON—Several employees at Dunder Hogg Ltd. in downtown Toronto carried on with their usual conversations at work this afternoon, and all quietly agreed to behave as if someone wasn't hanging hundreds of feet in the air by a rope of unknown tensile strength.

"So yeah, um… OH MY GOD… uh yeah, anyway, I guess get the numbers to me by four o'cl — AAAAAGH. Sorry I thought I saw him swing suddenly. Who? It's nothing. It's absolutely nothing," said Tracey Himmelman, while trying to set a deadline with her co-worker Kareem Davis, who also purported to see absolutely nothing strange going on.

"Cool. Cool. I'll do that. Cool. Absolutely nothing strange is going on right now," Davis said. "We're professionals and we know how to do our jobs, and he knows how to do his. He's not in danger. BUT HOW WOULD WE KNOW IF HE IS, IT SEEMS LIKE BOTH WAYS HE'S JUST SWINGING OFF THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING. Oh wait, he's gone now. Everything's fine. WAIT WHY IS HE SUDDENLY GONE IS IT FOR A GOOD REASON OR A VERY, VERY BAD REASON?"

Back at her desk, Himmelman took of her headphones for a second and said, "Ruth, I just heard a thump. Can you check if — okay it's just his feet bumping against the window? Okay. That's fine. That's normal. It's normal for a man's feet to be bumping against the window on the 11th floor, hahahahahahahahahaha. Would you like to go to lunch? Or the bathroom or maybe just stand in the hallway, I know a hallway where there are no windows and it's a wonderful hallway."

At press time, Michael the temp had walked into the office and said, "Wow, really windy day today, everybody. Very windy. UNUSUALLY windy!" and got a very dirty look from everyone.

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