Comedy·6IX GOD

Drake wishes he'd pursued dream of selling home & auto insurance

At the construction site of his new 21-thousand square foot Toronto mega mansion, global hip-hop sensation Drake confessed that his childhood dream never quite came to fruition.

TORONTO, ON—At the construction site of his new 21-thousand square foot Toronto mega mansion, global hip-hop sensation Drake confessed that his childhood dream never quite came to fruition.

"From the time I was really little, I wanted to be a personal lines insurance agent. Look at all these stupid cranes," he said kicking the dirt in anger.

The 30-year-old rapper, whose net worth is estimated at over $100 million, shook his head while staring wistfully at an Ontario Homeowner's Insurance Policy, fantasizing about what it might be like to be part of that world.

"Did you know that in the event of a claim, they will send an adjuster to the dwelling within two to six business days?" Drake sighed, "and that they have the right to repair or replace for actual cash value, minus deductible? This. This is what I should be doing."

After a quick Google search, Drizzy discovered a two-week insurance licensing crash course that could be done through correspondence at Centennial College for $395.

"It can be paid up front, but there are also some different financing options available," Drake explained. "Maybe I should just keep it in my head. Where there's no chance of failure."

Though his current position as a celebrated pop star allows him to completely dictate his own schedule and spend seven figure amounts indiscriminately on a whim, Drizzy insists that he would give anything to wake up at 7 a.m. out of necessity and commute two hours a day in heavy traffic to make scripted follow-up calls from a cubicle.

"They each get their own! I couldn't believe that. I would put pictures of my mom in there. A calendar, maybe. Who knows? One of the things I would really want to lock down is my own mug with the company's logo on it. I wouldn't ask for that right away though. I'd want to earn my stripes first."

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Adam is a comedy writer from Toronto. Critics have accurately described him as "more Darth than Yoda, more Kathy-Lee than Hoda."

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