Dad joke leaves 2 in hospital, 1 in critical condition

Two children are injured and one mother is left in critical condition after a local father dropped a dad joke so corny it literally destroyed his family.

CALGARY, AB—Two children are injured and one mother is left in critical condition after a local father dropped a dad joke so corny it literally destroyed his family.

Kurt Mumpton, a 52-year-old sales rep originally from Okotoks, had no idea of the damaging effects his dreadful joke would have on his loved ones when he dropped it on them early Friday evening.  

Mumpton, an avid watcher of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives (starring human anime shirt Guy Fieri), recounts the evening.

"Well," he said as he fumbled to retrieve his glasses from one of the hundreds of pockets attached to his cargo shorts, "to be honest it wasn't even my best joke."

Once he had located his (transition) lenses, he cleaned them, held them up and said, "Well it's a bit of a blur, really." Mumpton looked to us with bated breath and excitedly shouted, "GET IT?!"

He referenced the foggy glasses in his clutches and our news crew left the room immediately. It seemed Mumpton had no remorse for his actions; no semblance of regret.

The joke in question that left his wife in the hospital and two children with minor head trauma had to do with the outdoor grill on which he had been preparing dinner. According to his son Jacob, his dad entered the house just after 6 p.m. and called the family down to the kitchen.

Jacob, understandably shaken, retells the night from his grief stricken memory.

"He told us all to come to the kitchen. So we did. And when we got there he was standing there with a plate of grilled red peppers. He put a piece in his mouth and he said… he said…" Jacob broke down into tears.

"He said 'hey look, I got grillz." Jacob's sister Amelia winced at the recollection, squeezing her mother's hand in the bed beside her.

Sharon Mumpton is currently in an offensively bad joke–induced coma at Rocky View Hospital. Doctors say they're optimistic about her recovery, but not if her husband continues down this destructive path.

Kurt Mumpton has since been removed from the hospital after multiple complaints from patients. Apparently Mumpton was waiting near the cafeteria hoping children would announce they were hungry so he could jump out and say, "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad."

Another source says Mumpton was last seen holding a stethoscope outside the hospital walls announcing, "Uh oh. It appears to be a-wall."  

If you see Kurt Mumpton please do not approach him, he is considered corny and very dangerous.

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About the Author

Amanda Brooke Perrin

Amanda has written for Hulu, Netflix, City TV, CTV, CMT and CBC and has worked alongside The Kids in the Hall, Jay Baruchel and SCTV’s Catherine O’Hara. In 2016 she moderated for the critically acclaimed Trump VS. Bernie at The Opera House in Toronto and has been featured on Andy Kindler's Alternative Show. Despite all of these EARTH SHATTERING credits, her proudest achievement to date is moving out of her parents’ house before her older brother did.