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Big & Tall launches boutique spin-off store called Kyle's Specific Weird Shape

For decades, the larger, taller fellow has been provided a place to try on and buy clothes that will fit even him, the outsized gentleman.

BRANDON, MB—For decades, the larger, taller fellow has been provided a place to try on and buy clothes that will fit even him, the outsized gentleman.

For years, Kyle Schwurtzenbachler has been on the lookout for the outfit that would best suit his body, which is neither big, nor tall, but neither is it short or thin. It is Kyle's weird shape, and he needs to find clothes to hide it somehow!

"I've never been quite sure how to pin down an outfit," said the sandwich artist, 25. "Because my body is kind of like… okay, have you ever seen a funnel cake? Okay, picture a human who's eaten a lot of funnel cakes, and has ended up being my shape, which I cannot figure out how to describe."

"Okay, okay, I'll try," he continued. "Picture a water fountain. No, I don't mean the kind that you drink out of. I mean the big kind, out in the middle of a public square or something. Yes, exactly, now you've got it. Now imagine a statue atop that water fountain, and that statue has a very weird body that I cannot describe, in the same way that I cannot describe the shape of my own weird body. Would love to get some nice threads for it."

At press time, Kyle was giving us very specific directions to a wing of an art gallery that featured several Jackson Pollock paintings, in order to give us "an idea, like just a vague idea of what's going on with my bod, what's happening when I de-shirt."

"Hoping to re-shirt sometime, but don't currently have the shirts for it."

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