Comedy·INTERNET

After gruelling 36-hour delivery, couple names new wi-fi network after Rogers guy

“It was love at first signal,” said Morgan, “and when Kevin asked us if we wanted to keep the default name or pick one ourselves, we looked at each other and just knew."

TORONTO, ON—Farrah Morgan and James Hill were so over the moon after the delivery of their wireless internet this weekend that they named their new bundle of services after the man who delivered them, Rogers employee Kevin.

"It was love at first signal," said Morgan, "and when Kevin asked us if we wanted to keep the default name or pick one ourselves, we looked at each other and just knew that naming our network after him was the least we could do to honour the impact he'd had on our life."

This was Morgan and Hill's first internet installation, though many of their friends have had several over the past few years. Each had lived in apartments with other people's internet, but limited data caps had kept them from experiencing the full joys of being online, and they felt ready for the responsibility of having a wireless network of their own.

"We always knew we wanted our own internet eventually," said Hill, "but after going to our friend's places and seeing how much of The Handmaid's Tale we could be streaming, we decided to push up our timeline."

"We initially talked about doing a water delivery because we read that was the least painful method," said Morgan. "Luckily Kevin was there to tell us that's not a thing for internet delivery, and in fact it would be very dangerous given all the electricity and water."

However, the installation wasn't all sunshine and roses, and had a few tense moments.

"We got worried around hour eleven when we saw that some of the cables began tangling around the router's neck," said Hill, "but Kevin untangled them masterfully while I held Farrah's hand and we completed some breathing exercises."

Kevin worked for 36 hours straight, missing two other installations, ten voicemails from his wife, and the birth of his first daughter.

Morgan described the exciting ending to the delivery with tears in her eyes.

"At 4:01 am, he cut the cord, which in retrospect was probably an integral part of our neighbour's internet system, and our wi-fi network, Kevin_455, took its first ping!"

The physical router was weighed at one pound, three ounces, with all five green lights flashing brightly.

Morgan and Hill are thinking of getting matching tattoos of the router's feet to commemorate the experience, with Kevin's handprint as a halo around them.

As for Kevin, he maintains that he is just doing his job, and wishes any Rogers customer was even remotely as grateful for his services as Morgan and Hill.

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About the Author

Lexa Graham is a Toronto comedian and writer with a Master’s degree in Engineering. She has written for Reductress, CBC Comedy, and has also had her research published in The Canadian Journal of Chemical Engineering. You can catch her in Toronto every week hosting and producing Hard Day Comedy, a female-forward stand up show.