5 great Turducken replacements for this Thanksgiving

It’s the wild treat that comes around but once a year. But why not experiment with a classic?

It's the wild treat that comes around but once a year: the turducken, a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey and served for a unique Thanksgiving dinner.

But what if you don't have time to track down a turducken and want a suitable replacement, or for when simply want to play around with a classic? Are there options? You bet there are, and here are 5 of them.

1. SpaghettiFrenchfriesKen (for kids)

I don't know about your kids, but mine will eat about 3 different things total in the world, and none of those are turkey or duck, let alone a Human Centipede–style bird monster involving Frankensteined pieces of each. Take a chicken, stuff some spaghetti and french fries in there (kids love those, and not just because they're not the avian carcass equivalent of trying to put a ship in a bottle). They'll love it.

2. TurTurTurk (for turkey lovers)

This is a turkey placed inside a second turkey, which has itself been placed inside a third turkey. Makes sense, right? Everybody's expecting turkey at Thanksgiving, and you won't disappoint them with this. You'll just be throwing something interesting on the table, and giving them more of what they're after: turkey. Thrice the turkey, in fact. Consider adding spices or a glaze to the middle turkey to break up the visual monotony of three straight turkeys, thought of course there are many ways in which three big turkeys stuck inside each other will not fail to make a visual impression on the family.

3. TurNothingKen (for shoppers short on time)

Let's face it, you've bought a turkey before. You've bought chicken even more times. How often have you strolled past a fresh duck, though?

If you're putting your own turducken together, instead of buying a pre-connected version (and we know home-made is always better), the duck is always the toughest slot to fill. And why do you have to fill that gap with anything? It's not your fault Loblaws didn't have any ducks. Just leave an empty space. Everybody will get the message. You were willing to put in a certain amount of effort, and maybe your brother will help next year.

4. TurLeftoversandwichTaco (for the lazy)

An eclectic creation, to be sure. There are many variations on this dish, which involves getting a turkey and then throwing whatever you have around.

Turkey is the only essential ingredient; feel free to try a TurMeatloafKraftdinner or TurBunchofgrapesNachos. Anything works! Turkey is such a flexible meat.

5. KenDuckTur

Blow everybody's minds by completely reversing the order!

And most important: TurEnjoyKen!

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Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.