Canada Writes

The Short List - East

Margaret Beach (East York, ON)


Margaret Beach

Tooth Fairy Karma is real. And it’s going to get you.

As your dental hygienist and personal friend of the Tooth Fairy, I know if you are bad or good, or lying through your teeth.

“I floss every day,” you say, sincerely, eyes shining (but not your teeth, like they would be if you flossed), your breath like the back end of an elephant with Montezuma’s revenge. You are a sewer with lips.

Now, contrary to the notion that anyone who takes on the Sisyphean task of picking other people’s teeth can have but a single, lonely brain cell, hygienists, or, as we like to say, “hygeniuses,” are a highly evolved lot. We know that in the absence of superior brushing skills, we will long outlive our molars and our ability to chew on anything more substantial than yogurt -- the kind without that tough pro-biotic culture.

Well, it’s a new era. A new millennium, a new dawning on the horizon of your under-appreciated gums. I know you’re not flossing. Even before I dig up $3.72 in change and the socks you thought were lost in the dryer from between your cuspids. Come clean. ‘Fess up. And floss.

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How It Works

  1. Write In!

    Out of hundreds and hundreds of entries, just twenty Canadians made it to the Short List and won themselves an audition with Canada Writes. Then eight semi-finalists were picked to play in the Eastern semi-finals and Western/Northern semi-finals.

    Read their winning songs, blogs, ads, rants and movie pitches!

  2. Tune In… or Join Us!

    On March 14th and April 4th, tune in to GO! on CBC Radio One at 10 am (10:30 am NT) for the Eastern and Western/Northern semi-final games in Halifax and Vancouver. The finals will be held in Toronto on April 18th. Or join us at any of the three shows to root for the contestants in person. Go to for tickets.

  3. Play Online!

    The Canada Writes 09 Online Challenge is now over. Thanks for playing!


(Toronto, April 25, 2009)

Canada Writes Finalists

It was a very tight race in the end. Our four finalists fought it out by blog, song, ad and a three-line story. First, they each drew a blog topic, from “the best hundred dollars I ever spent” to “one fact I would like to ‘un-know’”. Challenge number 2 was to re-write a song by Queen, with Valerie Stanois from the musical We Will Rock You bringing power vocals to their surprising new words. Then judges Geri Hall, Terry O’Reilly and Darrell Dennis sent Kaveh Mohebbi through the infamous Trap Door. Challenge number 3 was the radio ad. Clever ads for Cornhobbler’s Crematorium and Juice Bar (obviously not a real business) and Christmas greetings from the makers of Flank Chainsaws won Katie Sanders and Laurie Schwartz a last chance at writing glory, but it was Margaret Beach’s turn to go through the Trap Door. Finally, Laurie and Katie had to come up with the first two lines of a three-line story… on yellow writing pads on their laps…and in 90 seconds….

After weeks of effort and tension and achievement -- from the writing contest in January, through the auditions, the short list, the semi-finals and the finals – it was all over in a couple of minutes. Katie pulled ahead by a crucial point -- and became the winner of Canada Writes 09! Listen to the show! Read the blogs!

Canada Writes Judges

For more photos, go to

Winner of the Online Challenge! Ontario's Heather Smith is the winner of this year's People's Choice Award. Her winning entry was a re-write of the ABBA song 'Waterloo.' Take a look!

Canada Writes Blog

David Tracey (Vancouver, BC)
David TraceyWestern semi-finalist 09

If I had a nickel for every time someone said to me, “Dave, you write such wildly creative things, where DO you get your ideas?” I’d have…let’s see…hang on… Okay, nothing.

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